un: junpei | video

[coolerjunpei]

[The video opens on Junpei in an office chair - in his Secret Club Meeting Room (read: generic office building conference room) although this is not a secret meeting. This is Junpei spinning slowly in an office chair while he holds the camera up, tilting as far back as he can without tipping the chair over. So it's going great.]

So, city-zens, [.....ahem,] I've got some miscellaneous questions for you.

First, time travel: real? Let me know. [......,] I mean, you know— Before you got here, that is. Like how experienced are you in the realm of quantum... quantum-y goodness? I just thought that maybe it would be real for somebody else by now, but I dunno... Let me know that one instead.

[Cough. Anyway.]

Second, are we all just, uh... hanging out now, I guess? Um, like— who's trying to clip through the weird fog and get out still? Anybody? I'm looking for group, or whatever you call it. We can do code names.

[Junpei is not a gamer.... don't believe this... he's just cringe and thinking about half-press-A-ing through the universe, to wit as he spins faster in his chair:]

Third, whoooo's all in for simulation theory? [as dryly as possible, womp...] Eh? Woooo yeah... simulation theory...!

[The video tilts as he lets go with one hand to hold up... a pinched-fingers hand puppet 🤌... it's still fine, he's doing great. He pitches his voice up higher for the puppet, because of course he does:]

But Junpei, how is this a simulation? Well duh, why else would this place be like a city that doesn't know what a city is supposed to be like? And all the weird loading fog? C'mon! Buuuut Juuuunpei, are we all full of tubes and stuck in goo pods like in that movie?— [Ah, ahem, cough. He puts his hand down.] Maybe.

Or uh, whatever else is in the theory pile. Half the people I was messing around with about theories went and disappeared, soooo... Well, I'm gonna get serious cabin fever if I can't figure something oUT—

[Local Man Tips The Chair Over and Totally Wipes Out, stay tuned for updates. The video ends when the phone drops face down onto the floor, bye.......]

Comments

[coolerjunpei]

[......,

This Might As Well Happen (tm)]

Yeah, I guess. At least let me go find some rubber boots first.

[reaperrabbit]

Hm. Guess I should, too. And an outfit I can throw in the trash after.

[Brook doesn't even have shoes.]

[coolerjunpei]

[Homie please get proper footwear??]

Oh yeah, good point. Maybe ponchos or something...?

[reaperrabbit]

[Think he can find pink light-up sneaks in his size?]

Unless you can get those suits people wear into the radiation zones in one of these stores, yeah. And some heavy-duty gloves.

[coolerjunpei]

Hazmats, you mean? I'll go check out the generic Sears and see what I can find, but if I get locked in the mall again, you gotta come break me out.

[Ha ha. Anyway yes, absolutely. If Junpei can find heelies, Brook can find some dope light-up sneaks.]

[reaperrabbit]

[Brook considers this statement.]

Hmm. Okay. But if I do, you'll owe me your soul.

...

Kidding.

[coolerjunpei]

Wait, what? What would you even do with it...?

[That's a genuine question, he's curious. He acknowledges the Joke, but still: what.]

New plan: just come to the mall with me.

[reaperrabbit]

I don't know, torment it? Keep it in a jar? Isn't that usually what happens to souls? Just so you know, it's not something I can actually take from you.

[Except through traditional methods. You know, like killing him. Honestly, Junpei.]

Going to an abandoned mall with a stranger I just met online... Sure. Why not. Just let me tell the guy I camp with where he should look for our bodies.

[coolerjunpei]

Hey, only one of us keeps souls in jars. Maybe I need to tell someone where I'm going with you.

[Ha ha he he. Anyway.]

You're camping? Like, outside in a tent?

[reaperrabbit]

Onni feels weird about the apartments. I think because people were obviously using them before.

He's sensitive.

[coolerjunpei]

Oh, yeah. I slept on the couch in my apartment for months instead of in the bed because it felt too weird. I totally get it.

Not the camping part, but I wouldn't survive in the wild, anyway.

[reaperrabbit]

Yeah, that's the sense I get.

[Junpei was sneak-attacked by a chair. That he was sitting in. And then lost the fight. Again, with a chair.]

Most gamers aren't built for it, I guess.

[coolerjunpei]

I don't really play that many games...

[So he's just like this, a floppy little man who can't sit in chairs right. It's fine.]

I'm really good at getting out of locked rooms?

[reaperrabbit]

Like... an escape artist? Or a burglar.

[coolerjunpei]

Like a guy who gets locked in rooms by creeps a lot.

So you don't have to worry about getting stuck in the mall if I'm around.

[reaperrabbit]

Oh. Okay.

[That's a weird identity to have, bro, but you do you.]

...I'm good at hitting things really hard. So if we do get stuck and you can't figure it out, I can try kicking down the door. Didn't work in the haunted house, but you never know.

[coolerjunpei]

I don't think the mall's haunted anymore, just creepy 'cause it's empty. But sure, we'll be a great team. I'll open some doors and you kick the rest.

[reaperrabbit]

Deal. See you there, chair guy.