video; un: mr. chandler

[lupusintus]

[ Not long after getting to the Welcome Diner and gathering his thoughts, he flips on the device to begin what will surely be one of the hardest things he's ever had to do. He hasn't bothered to clean himself up much but, with Daniel's help, he probably doesn't look like a serial killer anymore. Still, it's obvious the man has been through hell. ]

My name is Ethan Chandler. I-- [ He swallows, then begins again. ]

Last night, something wicked prowled through the streets and attacked several residents. It was me. I don't look as I did last evening and, despite what I said, I can't recall who I encountered or what events took place. I change, you see, when the moon is full. I can't control myself; God knows I've tried.

[ He lets out a sharp exhale, grimacing when it aggravates some of his injuries, but powers through. ]

Ever since my arrival, I've done what I could to make sure I couldn't hurt anyone, taken precautionary measures to restrain myself so this wouldn't happen. But it did. Something happened last night, and I made a mistake that put people here in harm's way. The blame rests entirely upon my shoulders and mine alone.

I'm not deserving of your forgiveness, but I'll ask for it. If you encountered the wolf last evening, please, reach out to me here. The phones are impersonal and I would prefer to extend my apology in person, to look you in the eye when I give it.

[ Now, to another pressing matter: ]

Mr. Gray and Miss Ives were present before and after what happened. I can't contact either one of them. I've tried.

Comments

[abit_ofboth]

[Loki rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest as he continues to glare. Everything Ethan says merely makes Loki dislike himself more. Or at least dislike how he had dealt with similar situations. He finds himself wanting to be more like Ethan and considering he’s still quite angry that Hob was injured, that is causing quite the amount of inner conflict and turmoil. He starts to pace as he begins to speak in return.]

I did not think you meant to deter my anger, and that is part of the problem. I can see you really mean this, that you feel awful about what you have done. You are consumed with guilt, that much is obvious. And just how do you do it? I do not understand. [The frustration, on top of everything else, is now also clear.]

That’s just it! I know nothing of the sort! The things I have done in my life, the people I have hurt by sheer numbers would make what you’ve done look like child’s play. On top of that, you try to make amends, you attempt to apologize. Whereas I only managed to make matters worse. I cannot, in good faith, punish you when I did so much worse. I just… I cannot have this happen again. I know you attempted to thwart this before, but clearly that did not happen. We must come up with a plan to avoid this ever happening again because next time, a simple promise to those I care for will not stop me from tearing you apart.

[Loki stops and runs a hand over his face. He feels tired, exhausted really. He hasn’t been sleeping well at all an it is only getting worse, but this conversation has really worn him out.] If you do not deserve forgiveness for what you could not control, then I do not deserve anything I have for what I did of my own volition.

[lupusintus]

My guilt and the shame that comes with it are the only decent things about me, I didn't become like this overnight. I was fully prepared to drown my sorrows in drink and a new companion every night, I thought if I could sink into the bottom of a bottle that whatever I was feeling would go away. It doesn't, it just builds up again after you sleep off the night before and it becomes a vicious cycle of hatred. Mostly, you hate yourself because you know you're better than this but can't seem to claw your way out of oblivion.

[ There's no pity in his eyes when he looks at him but there is understanding. ] If you were a complete monster, do you really think your gentleman caller would stand by you? If he's found a reason to stick by you, why can't you find a reason to make him stay? You say you make things worse, but he obviously doesn't think so and I trust him without even knowing his name. I've got eyes, Loki, your frustration gives away more than you know. You want to change, that's the first step.

If I have anything to say about it, it won't. [ He holds up his phone briefly. ] People have already offered better ways of restraining the wolf, methods that worked back in London. Let me give you another assurance: the quickest way to dispatch a werewolf is with silver. I need someone to know, someone who would be willing to do it if something goes wrong again. If it's between me or them, I'll choose their lives over my own every time.

[ Ethan moves to step closer to Loki, intending to rest a hand on his shoulder to give him some semblance of comfort, but the movement aggravates his wounds, and he rather unceremoniously sinks down to his knees. One hand immediately curls around his left side, but he lifts the other one, palm up, to signal for a moment to compose himself. Through gritted teeth: ]

Sorry, just give me a moment.

[abit_ofboth]

I do not believe that to be true. It cannot be. [Because if it were, then there really as no redemption for Loki. Part of him recognizes that this is a rather selfish thought process, but he can’t help himself. All he’s known of Ethan, other than the attack of course, is that he is a nice man who Loki has enjoyed spending time with. Loki is very new to friendship and he is loathe to give any up. Especially since Hob isn’t angry with him either. If the actual victim is forgiving, then that’s all Loki needs.]

And if you were a complete monster, would I be stand here trying to speak with you instead of simply killing you where you stand? Would my, as you call him, gentleman caller be asking me not to do such things to you? Yes, you have some sort of condition that makes you do terrible things, but that does not make you terrible. [He stops for a moment there because Hob doesn’t truly know him like that, doesn’t know what he’s done, what he’s capable of.]

May I ask, have people you cared for, that were truly close with you, left when they found out about your condition? Or do they stick by you and try to help you contain the beast? [Partially he’s making a point, but it is also an honest question. He needs to know, if he tells Hob about his past, what is the likelihood he’ll still want him around?]

You see? After only a few months, there are people here that want to help you. Even I, who dare I say have a wicked temper, want to help you. I thank you for the tip on the silver, but I hope to never have to use it.

[He’s about to continue when Ethan moves and is suddenly on his knees. Loki quickly moves to him, now placing his hand on Ethan’s shoulder as he had intended to do to him.] Perhaps I should help you back inside. I did not realize you were wounded as well.

[lupusintus]

I've killed since then and would do so again if it meant that the people I love would be safe, I have a feeling you can relate to that. It's an uphill battle every day but, even when I'm alone, I'm not. No matter how long it takes, if we can be forgiven, isn't it worth trying? [ Even he isn't sure he'll be granted that, but he's traveled down the road this far, why would he stop now? ]

I don't know, Loki. You wouldn't be the first person to approach me with a friendly face to earn my trust before sticking a knife in my back. [ He hesitates. ] But no, I don't think that's what you're doing. You would have put a dagger in my back at the diner when you had the chance. He would if he's too good for this world, as many are.

One of them didn't know what I was before last night, I never let them in because of what could happen. Just as letting people in is new for you, it's new for me too. I guess I got so used to running that the idea that I might find people I care about never crossed my mind. Wouldn't you do anything to keep your family safe? Even if it's protecting them from yourself. [ But, as he's probably asking for a reason, he elaborates further. ] They accepted me and my sins knowing that doing so could end in tragedy.

Most of them are strangers, I don't understand it but I'm grateful. I think I'd be concerned if you didn't have a temper.

[ He shakes his head and, after roughly thirty seconds, pushes himself back up to his feet. ] I'm fine, wounds heal. Anyway, I think going back in there right now would be an even greater challenge, I tricked him into letting me walk away when I heard footsteps. Might be a good idea to take a day to recover before I walk back onto that battlefield.

He's really going to let me have it. [ Judging by the smile? He's okay with that. ]

[abit_ofboth]

Indeed. Though I have not been responsible for taking someone’s life for a while now. I have not found the need in most cases. [In this, Loki is holding back. While he agrees, and knows that if it were to protect those he cares for, he would kill indiscriminately. He would do anything to stop anyone he cared about from being hurt. But the truth of it is, the last time he had done such things it had nothing to do with protecting anyone but himself. And a lot of innocent people did not escape. Ethan does not need to know that though.] Being forgiven is something I think would be a very good thing. It must feel wonderful, I hope you have more luck in that area than I have had.

[Loki sighs and has to look away for a moment. He needs a breath to remind himself that Ethan doesn’t really know him, isn’t actually taking a crack at him, but everyone who knew him before he came here is well aware of that being exactly the type of thing Loki would do. It’s a solid plan, really, if you want to take your enemy off guard. Make them trust you and then stab them in the back. For a moment Loki can’t help but think that his reputation has gotten the better of him (again) anyway, but somehow he manages to calm himself and realize it’s not a personal comment, just that it would make sense for someone, anyone, to react that way.] I know that I am not known to be very trustworthy by some, and yes I am still quite angry about what happened, but please know that I do not currently wish to do you harm. And I don’t think I’ve been overly friendly during this meeting. Just know that if it happens again, this will go very differently.

I have done many horrible things in the name of my family, of my people, but unlike you, that was mostly lies. I did those things for purely selfish reasons and maybe a little bit of what I’ve heard referred to as mental instability. [Loki does not like to admit it, but he was not of sound mind when he attacked New York. Some of that was pure anger, but much of it was due to the mind stone and everything the Other had done to him in the name of Thanos. But that was another story for another time.]

As you say, it could end in tragedy, but is that not always the case with family? Or with anyone truly. Even heroes end up slain sometimes. There is not always a happy ending as we hear in fairy tales.

[Loki sighs again, but this time there’s a bit of frustration to it now.] Yes, wounds do heal, if you allow them to. If you do not want to go back in, then allow me to see you home at least. I promise, I will not stab you in the back.