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text; un: aragaki

[It's been a long time since this username has been seen on the network. Shinjiro's rarely one for idle chitchat, but he does pay attention. He was at the diner the day that iteration debrief went around, and he's been quietly stewing in it since.]

so if all this shit is really a simulation, what's it supposed to mean when people disappear from here, anyway
if they could just delete us they wouldn't need to make us kill each other to end a round, would they

[Or maybe they're simply that twisted? He doesn't know. But Amada's gone, and until this latest development he would've thought that was for the best -- but now he's not so sure. It's been bothering him, despite himself.]

dunno if these are even our real bodies or if is this some matrix shit
or even if those documents were planted for us to find or any of it's true

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it's annoying
doubt the fiftieth try's gonna be the charm either
so there's just gonna be some bullshit hanging over us like a threat for who knows how long

Until we find a way out of here. This wasn't going to end in anything other than our deaths, so it's not like our situation has changed or anything.

not much one for optimism, huh

[Which, look, respect, but damn -- that's even more nihilistic and cynical than he was about all this going in.]

Don't mistake that for me giving up. I don't intend on dying here like a lab rat. But it wasn't likely they were going to happily let us go as if nothing happened once they finished their experiment.

fair enough
i'm already dead either way so it really doesn't change much for me
but it'd still be obnoxious if this was it

[aka he kind of cares about what happens to people here, despite his best efforts not to. catch him admitting that out loud never though.]

[ By that, does he mean he's got a terminal illness back home? An unfortunate situation then. He can't help but feel a little for the man. ]

Having a blade hanging over our heads isn't my idea of a good time either, which is why we have to keep pushing on. Find ways to get out of here, or learn more about our captors and the experiment they're running.

unless displayname's right about us bein copies and having nowhere to go back to i guess
then we're pretty much fucked

[ That's a very real possibility that he's considered too. ]

If we operate under that assumption, then nothing we do matters anymore, because there's no way to sustain this simulation indefinitely. So we can't. We have to assume we can get out.

[See, there's the thing. Shinjiro's been assuming from the start that nothing he does here really matters, because he isn't alive anymore back where he's from. But the possibility it might apply to others--Aki, in particular--puts him in a strange, uncomfortable position. He wants him to go home, back to a life and future Shinjiro's forfeited any right to, but if there's nowhere for him to go either, then...well. He has some things to rethink.]

they've been doin it for years aint they
if we got control over it there's no reason we couldn't keep it goin
but it'd be a pretty fucked up way to spend the rest of our lives

If we could gain control over the simulation, then it could be a choice. But only then. I have no intention of sticking around either way.

[ 'There are things I have to do', he's about to type, but he stops. This is... the way people who have purpose talk, isn't it? And he's found one, hasn't he? He's always intended on atoning for his sins, but it hasn't been until now that he's found a concrete way to do so. ...it's a unique feeling, to have a self-determined purpose. ]

You're free to stay if you want. No one's going to stop you.

i don't
just got nowhere else to go either
like i said i'm already in the ground where i came from

[In case Wanderer was wondering how literal he was being before: very.]

You were being literal. I didn't even know it was possible for them to bring the dead in here.

[ Well, now he has a whole new set of worries in his mind. But he's going to put that aside and try not to think about them. ]

yeah, there's a few of us around here
when i first showed up i thought it might've been some kinda afterlife or shit like that

[yeah he is uh, very blase about this whole dead thing, sorry bro.]

It'd be the shittiest afterlife in that case.

[ It's alright. If he's going to be blase about it, then he's not going to stress over it either. ]

So do you plan on helping to find a way out, even if that means you'll go back to being dead after the simulation ends?

eh
could be worse

[Ah, but that question, though. His answer to it was straightforward, a few months ago. Now, he's not as sure. Instead of getting into those weeds, though, he parrots what he said to Robby, back at the beginning:]

it's for the best if i stay outta people's way with all that

[Nonetheless, he is keeping an eye on it, to some extent because it's just his habit, but now, too, because Aki's fate is entangled in the situation. He doesn't care about going back to being dead himself--frankly, it'd be a relief--but he wants Aki to be able to get out and keep living his life, at least.]

[ So he's not going to help. Perhaps it's an apprehension to return to being dead that's stopping him. He's not sure. But given the man's unique situation, he can't blame him for not participating. ]

Alright. At least you know not to get in the way.

[ Because if he did get in the way... dead or not, the drifter will not stand for obstructions. ]

[He could say outright he's not that attached to being alive, certainly not enough to try to prolong it, but it'd be kind of shitty to say so where Aki can see. Instead, he just lets the conversation drop there. It's not as though he has anything further to contribute either right now, after all.]

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cw passive suicidality reference

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