@DONQUIXOT3, video (free for all, really)

[icanfixer]

[ let those wounds heal and come clean--to everyone, angela had told her.

well. the wounds won't heal for some time, as many as there are, but she fears they never will 'til she does the latter. but it's hard, it's difficult, and there are many more who have not even thought about it... such a possibility is ever in the back of one's mind, of disappearing as althea had done, as gregor and roland and gebura, as the young ken amada and so many more--

but no one really stops to think about it until it happens. their population has dwindled, month by month, without a word.



the background is colorful and a myriad of various crafts, not her own room at home (home, what a funny concept it is to call such here, and yet--) but at the host club of which she works. don quixote is not here to advertise her space nor is she here to show off some new craft, and everything from the oversized sweater she wears to the attempt at a bright smile despite the darkness under her eyes speaks to those even who may have met her once that something isn't quite right today. she's always a cheerful, upbeat girl to any she meets, any she passes or knows,

just not today. ]

Ahem! Kehm. Good day to thee all, new faces and old. I am Don Quixote, holder of several positions and jobs both here and in the world I hail from; it is alright if we have yet to meet, but prithee do not retire just yet! I have something I wish to speak to thee about... something that is quite important, and shall perhaps change the way thy time here is spent.

[ ... huuuuf. okay. ]

Some months ago, perhaps four hence, I found myself upon the train as if I had died -- and I can assure thee, as one who has died purposefully before, it was the same but different. With my return, I found I had gained many new memories and experiences... as if I had gone back to my world and lived it, from the very moment I had left. Those who were here still appeared and acted as they ought there, without a word about this city, this world, and... in truth--

I did not recall this city whatsoever when I was gone from it and remembered my time only once I had returned.

[ shot out, without a pause save the stumble before, and don holds the gaze of her device a moment before exhaling. ]

To those whom I lied to, I am sorry. It was not my intention to hurt thee, nor to give false hope unduly, but I did not want any to think their time here meaningless simply because one does not remember it. I am certain there must be a way that we may-- we may keep them, or to leave our mark upon the world in hopes of jogging our memories should we find ourselves in the same circumstance, just as others have left theirs with pictures, with scratches in tables and walls, and-- and so on! But... I do not know, so I only wished to be honest and frank. For it is only once we are armed with knowledge that may we be able to solve a problem, or so I am told.

[ ... and she wanted to come clean, too. for herself. it's a lot easier like this than doing it one on one, she finds, not having to worry about the other's reaction so soon, though she shrinks a little all the same. ]

I am not the only one who has experienced this coming and going, that I know for certain, but I understand if it may sound unbelievable, or that one may wish to deny it. Do what comforts thee best, but know that what I say is true -- and allow this space to be one in which we may exchange ideas to ensure that these memories of ours last beyond our time spent here.

[ and,

as tempting as it is just to close off completely and throw herself back into her work without further replies, she'll still very much be around. for better or worse. ]

Comments

Text @Alhaitham

[justscribing]

What makes you so sure you really went home?

[I'm

so sorry Don Quixote he is not here to make things better.]

[icanfixer]

[ it's okay she doesn't deserve better things. ]

Because I had disappeared from my bed and experienced very many things in the span of a night, of course. Do thee think me a fool?

[ she knows what home is like. there was no way it wasn't real. ]

[justscribing]

Is that a question you really want an answer to?

[That's genuine, actually, does she really want an answer to that question.]

What I'm saying is, you have direct experience in their ability to either remove or suppress our memories. What makes less probable that you didn't regain memories that already existed?

[icanfixer]

Nay, for I know I am a fool. I have been called it previously.

[ but she simply knows what she knows, and believes what she believes. even if is she is a fool, she is not stupid. even if she is stupid, she is not a fool. such things make sense in her mind.

so don tilts her head, rubbing at her arm gently. ]

Mm... Then thou'rt saying what I now remember is what I have already experienced, and that they merely allowed me to gain access to such things?

[justscribing]

It's possible, isn't it? Think about how difficult it must be to transfer people between entire worlds. We're a valuable resource to them.

Why would they release you if they had any intention of bringing you back?

[icanfixer]

Hmhm. Perhaps to entice my cooperation? If it is alike to dying, given the selfsame circumstances of which I arrived, then we are in a word "tethered" to this place.

[ which might sound a little high thinking for don, but. well. she is tethered to someone back home, and brought back as they will it, so the concept isn't too different. ]

It cannot be too difficult to bring us here if they are able to continue to open the city as they do.

[justscribing]

I think you're overestimating how tangible your current surroundings are.

Was there any indication to you that you may have been released as a reward? There's not much use in trying to apply an explanation after the fact, unless you have some evidence of it.

[icanfixer]

How do thee mean? If I pick up a pair of scissors and stab myself with them, then I will bleed. Is that not tangible enough? Should I prove it?

[ a beat, with no move to grab anything. but she does have them on hand. it's an art studio. ]

To answer thy question, though, nay. I am only "vibing" with the idea of it... But I can offer little else in possibilities. To be frank, I have not a choice in whether I should wish to return home or not -- I must, for there is something that I am required to do there. Thee could say that allowing this one to peek and experience what she has -- quite vividly, for each death was just as painful as the last -- was reward enough, for it acted as "proof" that one can return, in my eyes. If unwillingly.

[justscribing]

No need. Of course it feels real to you. But have you ever had a dream that felt so real that when you woke up you were disoriented? Maybe you even believed it was real.

Think of it like that. This computer simulation we're in likely isn't a physical place, but a facsimile connected to our minds.

As for going back: why were you rewarded or baited? People who have received objects from home had some sort of note of praise. Was there something like that when you woke up on the train again? Did you have any belief until now that cooperating with each experiment granted your release?

[icanfixer]

Of course! For what reason would we suffer if not to be rewarded somehow at the end of it, Alhaitham? Would thee have me believe that it was all for naught? There are two unaccounted, no? Either they have not ended just yet, or they have been granted a different ending than the rest! Should we not hope it is the latter, and think that perhaps we can attain the same if only we hold on for just a day more?!

[ she hasn't answered some of his questions, of course, but her sleeplessness has caused a bit of irritation to spring at his tireless endeavor to understand all he can. it's no fault of alhaitham's, truly, and she turns her face with some guilt at her heated words, voice softer. ]

... I received naught when I found myself awake upon the train. Only the memories so vivid of the life I had just lived through, though I know someone who came and went same as I and returned with a scar upon her chest -- evidence of her dying breath. Would the sight of that be proof enough of my thoughts?

[justscribing]

The researchers that kidnapped us are seeking their own reward. A lab rat isn't guaranteed anything.

I don't need to see a scar. I'll take your word for it. I've also seen people turned into foxes and dogs so that seems like a fairly minor alteration, or perhaps because she recalled the moment she received her scar that her form here was able to update in accordance to her expectations.

But my point isn't really whether they could send us back, but why they would in the middle of their trials. Rather than thinking of what it means to us, what do they stand to gain by the way that it was done? After all, your cooperation wasn't actually requested or exchanged, right? It just happened.

[icanfixer]

[ so many words... ]

It just happened. I do not know what they stand to gain, and... frankly, such things are above my head. I have never understood the decisions that those far higher than myself made -- t'was the same in another job I had, in another life.

[ politics, and stuff. there's no wrong or right when you're a hitman. you're only tasked to kill whoever's requested. it isn't quite the same comparison, but it's close enough to her: stuff she doesn't understand if it isn't right in front of her, stuff she can't begin to fathom since it doesn't align to her own thoughts. ]

I should hope thou'rt able to find the answers thee seek, for I do not have an idea myself. Ehm, I am more of a... [ hold on, she remembers this word, ] Kshahrewar, for all that I like to read.

[ maybe she will take kaveh's tease to be his junior. ]

[justscribing]

One's Darshan doesn't mean anything for their understanding. There are plenty of people in Haravatat who understand far less.

[... But that's not really important here.]

What do you think about breaking ourselves out of this place?

[icanfixer]

[ king she's STUPID!!!!!!! in this area ]

What people see as "impossible", I see as merely difficult. There shall always be a chance so long as one person believes there to be; to me, no cage is without a weak point.

[justscribing]

Good. It'd be unfortunate if you simply accepted things as they are.

[icanfixer]

That is one thing thee can count on, Alhaitham -- I shan't, so long as there are those who require my aid!

[ that's the fixer part of her, the desire to be helpful and protect who she can. that won't fade no matter what -- much to the dismay of certain others who think her a fool. ]

... And I shall take care to ensure that I pay mind to myself as well, as someone who also requires aid. It is a worry some have. Nay, there is much I do not know, much I do not understand, but that shall not stop this one from doing what is right.

[justscribing]

That's also good. It'll be harder for you to help anyone if you're exhausted or injured.

[That's not the point the worrywarts mean to make but it's the one Alhaitham is making in the face of that maze.]

[icanfixer]

[ i'll get back to that too he's doing wonderfully at unintentionally solving through it ]

So... I have been told, more than once, by more than one person. [ at least she's sheepish about it. ] It seems I am ever in the wrong school of thought.

[ but she's!!!!!! learning!!!!!!!! takes a little rattling but she's learning!!!!!!!! ]

It is most natural for me to think nothing of myself when I can serve others, since that is how Fixers are in all the tales I have heard -- as I wish to be one quite relied on and strong, so it is my thought as well. But I have been told that a dead Fixer cannot help anyone, even though death is not so high a price here.

[ or back home for her at least. less of a price, even. since she keeps her memories there. ]

I have been scolded on that as well. To live well, to die well, both in protecting those we ought and in servitude to justice... that is what it means to be a most knightly and noble Fixer, thou must understand.

[justscribing]

[Surely Alhaitham can't break every trial in Don's trauma maze.

Anyway at least one self-sacrificing blond in this city can listen, and learn.]

Given how easily our captors can manipulate this place, we shouldn't assume they won't make death permanent at some point.

Still, what you heard was sound advice. No matter how strong you believe in your ideals, you won't be able to help every person you come across. And if your solutions are too quick to sacrifice yourself, you'll help even less.