@DONQUIXOT3, video (free for all, really)

[icanfixer]

[ let those wounds heal and come clean--to everyone, angela had told her.

well. the wounds won't heal for some time, as many as there are, but she fears they never will 'til she does the latter. but it's hard, it's difficult, and there are many more who have not even thought about it... such a possibility is ever in the back of one's mind, of disappearing as althea had done, as gregor and roland and gebura, as the young ken amada and so many more--

but no one really stops to think about it until it happens. their population has dwindled, month by month, without a word.



the background is colorful and a myriad of various crafts, not her own room at home (home, what a funny concept it is to call such here, and yet--) but at the host club of which she works. don quixote is not here to advertise her space nor is she here to show off some new craft, and everything from the oversized sweater she wears to the attempt at a bright smile despite the darkness under her eyes speaks to those even who may have met her once that something isn't quite right today. she's always a cheerful, upbeat girl to any she meets, any she passes or knows,

just not today. ]

Ahem! Kehm. Good day to thee all, new faces and old. I am Don Quixote, holder of several positions and jobs both here and in the world I hail from; it is alright if we have yet to meet, but prithee do not retire just yet! I have something I wish to speak to thee about... something that is quite important, and shall perhaps change the way thy time here is spent.

[ ... huuuuf. okay. ]

Some months ago, perhaps four hence, I found myself upon the train as if I had died -- and I can assure thee, as one who has died purposefully before, it was the same but different. With my return, I found I had gained many new memories and experiences... as if I had gone back to my world and lived it, from the very moment I had left. Those who were here still appeared and acted as they ought there, without a word about this city, this world, and... in truth--

I did not recall this city whatsoever when I was gone from it and remembered my time only once I had returned.

[ shot out, without a pause save the stumble before, and don holds the gaze of her device a moment before exhaling. ]

To those whom I lied to, I am sorry. It was not my intention to hurt thee, nor to give false hope unduly, but I did not want any to think their time here meaningless simply because one does not remember it. I am certain there must be a way that we may-- we may keep them, or to leave our mark upon the world in hopes of jogging our memories should we find ourselves in the same circumstance, just as others have left theirs with pictures, with scratches in tables and walls, and-- and so on! But... I do not know, so I only wished to be honest and frank. For it is only once we are armed with knowledge that may we be able to solve a problem, or so I am told.

[ ... and she wanted to come clean, too. for herself. it's a lot easier like this than doing it one on one, she finds, not having to worry about the other's reaction so soon, though she shrinks a little all the same. ]

I am not the only one who has experienced this coming and going, that I know for certain, but I understand if it may sound unbelievable, or that one may wish to deny it. Do what comforts thee best, but know that what I say is true -- and allow this space to be one in which we may exchange ideas to ensure that these memories of ours last beyond our time spent here.

[ and,

as tempting as it is just to close off completely and throw herself back into her work without further replies, she'll still very much be around. for better or worse. ]

Comments

Text @Alhaitham

[justscribing]

What makes you so sure you really went home?

[I'm

so sorry Don Quixote he is not here to make things better.]

[icanfixer]

[ it's okay she doesn't deserve better things. ]

Because I had disappeared from my bed and experienced very many things in the span of a night, of course. Do thee think me a fool?

[ she knows what home is like. there was no way it wasn't real. ]

video, un: Hat Guy

[featheradrift]

[ The Wanderer looks very unimpressed and slightly irritated, actually. The irritation is not because of her, promise. He just has some things on his plate. But, the unimpressed part is for her. ]

Don't tell me you're dumb enough to fall for the oldest trick in the book. You really think they'd let you go home happily like nothing happened and then yank you back because they suddenly realized, 'Oh, she was actually an important test subject, we need her!'? Please. Give me a good reason they'd let you go home and maybe I'll actually give this stupid idea some real consideration.

[icanfixer]

It is like dangling a carrot before the nose of a donkey, Don Sombrero, to get his hooves moving. It serves only to remind one of what awaits them, perhaps, for I have things that must be done there that cannot be done here.

[ very important things, some of which she cannot and will not say. ]

If it would mean I could return with all that I know intact, there is nothing I wouldn't try -- be it our observer's whims or another's. I am only telling thee what I have experienced myself, and I shan't ask any to believe me if they cannot.

video. @kaveh, private

[fussiest]

[ kaveh looks. she had cried on his shoulder, had wondered if she deserved more than her lot in life. he smiles into the camera: ]

Don, you did the right thing in letting everyone know the truth. I'm proud of you.

private

[icanfixer]

[ she looks about to cry again at the words, at least from him, before she shakes her head and brings up one sleeve covered hand to wipe the wet before it really forms. the smile is timid, small but real. ]

I feel most miserable for it, though. I would not wish to believe it if I were being told it for the first time.

video. @hong lu ☆

[yyds]

Don~

[ she looks terribly serious, their don. hong lu considers this. ]

Oh, right, this thing. So, is it alright for me to talk about it now? It's not a secret anymore?

[icanfixer]

That is correct, Hong Lu. It is no longer a secret, so prithee do speak freely as thee may like -- secrecy does naught but hurt others.

[ as if either of them are one to talk. ]

video | @stray

[kampfgeist]

[ heine's sitting on the floor of the living room. he would be sitting on the fire escape, but it's fucking cold as hell outside.

to be honest, he can't say this surprises him. there was something cagey about the way don had responded to him all those months ago when heine asked her if she'd missed him when she was home, cagey enough that heine had assumed that the answer she gave was probably not the whole truth.

of course, he didn't think the truth would be this stark, but then again he's from a world where so few niceties are easily afforded. ]

You okay?

[icanfixer]

[ ah........

don turns her gaze away a moment, hesitant, before it returns and she opens her mouth--

shuts it, rubbing at her arm instead. heine is someone she's always felt comfortable with, hadn't wanted to lie to and managed not quite to at the time, and so she isn't going to this time either. but she'll be a tiny bit more honest, smile slight. ]

I am more or less healthy, but not as well as I wish I were. [ they don't. really usually talk feelings. roundaboutedly it is. ] Do thee recall our talk of how thy body must have looked splat upon the ground?

action bc why not

[abstractart]

[well. he happens to be at the club when he sees this-- lazy as he is, he's started showing up despite still needing to be careful of his injured shoulder. it's fine, he can help with some things one-handed.

when he shows up to her room, it's with his good hand wrapped around the necks of two beer bottles.]

Hey.

[he lifts them up for her to take one.]

Sounded like you'd need one.

[mostly because he definitely still does, whenever he's thinking about the topic...]

biting

[icanfixer]

[ don freezes up, turning her face slightly to see him -- and his beers, and then casting her gaze back down to her covered hands. mm. if he wants to endure her presence, then he can; she already told kaveh she wouldn't spurn anyone who did, even if part of her still wants to. for both their sakes.

... she'll take it after a moment, it's easy enough to open with the edge of a table for her. sorry. this is her one party trick. she can do his too if he wants, otherwise she'll sip at hers a little sullenly. ]

Speaking at length does not normally parch my throat.

[ but it feels scraggly and dry now. tight too, though that is a different matter.

don glances as she always does at his shoulder, too uncertain of them to approach the topic -- she knows what caused it, and even if the person seems to have been rightly punished... part of her still wants to, battered as she is herself. he's been working well enough as is, he hasn't brought it up, and so she turns her gaze from it again. her gesture is a little awkward, a wave of her sleeve to the choice of bean bags and wooden chairs nearby to her own. ]

... Thou'rt welcome to take a seat, if thee should like. It may be beyond what I deserve, but I do still like thy company.

video; un: mightiest

[fanstheflames]

[ It's only right, she feels, to echo the format that Don uses to respond to her. Even though Tsuruno's aware that doing so reveals her thoughts in the rawness of the moment.

The uncertainty, the concern, the faintest hint of heartbreak, the thoughts that are present but unspoken in her eyes.

Well, but the most important thing is-- ]

Are you okay? You look wiped.

[icanfixer]

[ ough. don keeps the other's gaze long as she is able, but her eyes dip down to her hidden hands at the question. ]

Oh, I am... for the most part, I am alright. There are others who are hurt far worse than I, so prithee do not concern thyself too deeply. I did not sleep well last night, is all.

[ and only a small few know might know that means rather than her "normal" four to five hours she'd gotten half it, if that. ]

But I shall now that my heart is lightened, perhaps. Though this is not such light news.

action

[wordchain]

[ Yesod has been visiting the host club more frequently lately — ever since Netzach began to return to work there, despite still recovering from his injury. He may not be himself, either, and there are shadows clouding his features, but given that he isn't the most expressive person as it is, it's likely that it's less noticeable compared to Don.

Still, it occurs to him now that she might have concluded that he is upset with her. At some point, he decides to approach Don, though she is technically at work and he hasn't booked time with her. ]

...Don?

[ Glancing her over, he does have questions about that sweater indoors. He thinks of the favors that she requested while her wounds bled. ]

[icanfixer]

[ it's a surprise, certainly, since if he came to visit it was normally to drop in on netzach, and don's moved to the beanbags since -- so she sees him upside down, the scarcest evidence of bandages beneath her sweater as she stretches, before sliding back into place with a brief moment of apprehension.

he hadn't seemed as upset as the others. but yesod is a harder read, sometimes, in his contemplation -- he takes the thoughts and he pieces through them, before ultimately coming to action. in most cases. she thinks of his confessed outburst that led to his and netzach's involvement and knows it was a pot boiling over; she is much the same way at times, and after a moment she lifts a hand in a wave. ]

I am free, if thee should like a moment of my time.

[ she won't spurn him, nor anyone else, if they want to endure her presence. ]

private | video | username: fearnie

[fauned]

The cat's out of the bag, huh?

( the question comes as lightly as she can manage, delicate in that way nature can be after a storm. does she feel better for it? worse? these tiny little screens really are just so terrible to extrapolate these sorts of things, but she's uncertain if she wants company if she's decided to opt for the device rather than gather people for the conversation.

she can't imagine the lie being an easy one to admit to after letting it sit for as long as they have. it's a secret she's held her tongue over even to angela, unwilling to trample over the budding hope it brought them. but don's always been stronger than her in these sorts of convictions. almost unfathomably so.

a distraction might not be what she wants considering she lingers on the line, but she's not sure how else to proceed while ignoring a guilt of her own. )

Have you thought about what sort of mark you want to leave?

[icanfixer]

One better than I have thus far.

[ even if undoubtedly this won't erase the good she has done -- the people she's met, the times they're shared, even the strand of hope her lie gave to those who needed it... it still feels so big.

that isn't fair. don shakes her head. ]

Perhaps something to show who has been here. It would be useful to mark the City in a way that we would recall it ourselves, if our fates are not utter elimination to the core of our beings.

audio; un: loveless

[limbical]

I suppose that this could mean a number of things.

[Mostly, Daan just sounds exhausted. This bit of news does impact him, but also-- also, it makes him want to work harder to clutch what he has gained that much more.]

I can see why you would have withheld the truth. All you ever do is care about everyone else, Don. [Even if that includes some blunders, but it isn't like Daan is perfect either.]

I appreciate you being forthcoming. That isn't always an easy thing.

[icanfixer]

[ without a moment to herself, yes. it is something that grieves her friends so much. ]

If I could have kept it 'til my timely death, then I would have. Do not think me brave nor strong.

[ she never is when it comes to others, but-- well, it was wrong, it is wrong, and she knows it. ]

text | un: NAILS

[nichocolatine]

[ well. badou can't say he expected anything different. for all the good that's come out of this hellhole, there had to have been a catch. there always was.

ah well. ]

when youre done answering to the masses, come see me about some soup
bring your apron

[icanfixer]

[ uuu uu... don doesn't speak at first, just nods mutedly. ]

If it is any consolation, my beloved, I do not think it is out of the realm of possibility for thee and dear Heine to come together as thee have here.

[ sorry, ]

text @Kromer

[gripper]

Good job, Don Quixote, but what's with the change of heart?
Realized it wasn't as just as you thought?

[icanfixer]

[ bitch

...

though don only gives her a slightly more severe look than normal, even as her tone does in fact display the usual annoyance. ]

I am glad to see thee the same as ever, cur.

not here

[worldexecute]

( in her office in the bookstore, angela watches the confession-- watches the replies slowly come in and wonders if she was

(once again?)

overreacting to some new information. if her anger was unwarranted, if the pain and agony she inflicted on someone she had placed her trust in was unwarranted.

maybe she hasn't changed that much after all.

she'll keep an eye on it and on don quixote, miserable and still, still angry, still hurt, but unable to leave it well enough alone. caring about people is a disease, honestly. )

@theredgaze, audio

[immortalpoet]

[A pause, and then:]

Is it possible it was simply just a memory block, and not a complete inability to remember? Or maybe you were simply regaining memories you lost?

[icanfixer]

[ hey boss. no fight, just... fact. ]

It is not out of the realm of possibility, but then how much have we lived without knowing? Are we perhaps dead already, and we are simply seeing the life we passed through in vivid flashes -- that are appropriately painful, may I say?

video; un: louis

[deathoftheauthor]

I'm sorry, you're saying that when you returned to your own world, it was as if no one had ever left?

[icanfixer]

That is correct. If I were to return at this moment, I would be awaiting the completion of my company's busboat as well -- of that I am certain -- and the companions I have here who are the same as I would be there as if they had not left in the first place.

Text | UN: Loki

[abit_ofboth]

So what you are saying is that those who have left this place do not remember anything that has happened to them here? It is like they never left? Yet, if you happen to return, you remember everything once more, including the new things you experienced back home?

[icanfixer]

That is correct. Befuddling, is it not? But it is what I have experienced myself, and so I can say it is true at least in that sense.

[ as far as she can tell, it's as she says. there's nothing that necessarily details otherwise to her. ]

video; un: hythlodaeus

[nomoresharks]

[He meant to choose audio, but in his rush to reply hit the video function instead. And though he keeps his voice conversational--cheerful, even--the video feed reveals how much of a struggle he's finding it to even manage a smile.]

You are sure? When you returned, there was no sense of something missing? Nothing on your person upon waking back in your world that you couldn't explain? Nothing at all?

[icanfixer]

[ oof... sorry hyth. don presses her lips together, guilt chewing at her for the struggle in his expression, before shaking her head. ]

Naught, my good fellow. I wish I could give thee the opposing answer, for it would set my mind and heart at ease as well.