video ; @thundaga

[astraphilia]

[ hello and welcome to Boredom Hours, sponsored by one too many midafternoon beers and a perpetual inability to not immediately make his ennui everyone else's problem. today's host is... Reno!

when the video starts, it's to a shockingly decently framed shot of Reno doing the hooligan squat on the front stoop of his apartment building. he's got a lit cigarette hanging from his mouth, and once he's sure that the video is rolling he takes a long drag of it before he speaks. ]

Sup. I'm Reno. Some of ya may know me from my colorful past as "guy who got yanked into pool by tentacle monster."

[ probably nobody knows him that way but it's fine. we are not concerned with strict veracity here. Reno blows a neat smoke ring and grins the kind of grin that means he knows he's being a pain in the ass. ]

I was thinkin', y'know, there's only so many of us. Probably ain't a bad idea to get to know each other, right? [ he gestures with his cigarette as he speaks as if to underscore his words. ] We need some conversation starters. Some icebreakers, y'know? Everybody's favorite highlight from their corporate bonding retreats.

So! [ he holds up a hand to count on.

one finger. ] Two truths and a lie. Post 'em, let other people guess. I'll leave mine too. Shoutout to the blond girlie who had that party a couple months back for this one.

[ two fingers. ] Hot or not. Or smash or pass, whatever you wanna call it. Post yourself and let people vote, if you're brave. Or post your friends if you want to fuck around. You can all see my face right now so count that as my submission.

[ three fingers. ] Creativity exercise, open prompt. You can go anywhere, be anybody, do anything you want. The world ain't ending and there's no war or whatever the hell going on. Who are you and what are you doing? [ brief smoke break, and then Reno stubs the butt out on the cement, exhaling as he says, ] Me, I wanna make mediocre coffee for minimum wage and not worry about shit except makin' rent.

[ and lastly, four fingers. ] "Reno, this is fuckin' stupid and I don't want to do it." Okay, nobody's got a gun to your head. We ain't even got guns here. Do what you want.

[ his four fingers curl in so he can offer a cheerful, if a bit manic, thumbs-up before he reaches out to turn off the video.

just before he touches the button, though, he pauses as if something just occurred to him— ] Oh, shit—also, drop map pins for your favorite restaurant in this place. I'm in the market for new eats, bonus points if it's spicy.

[ okay, now he's gone. ]

Comments

TEXT ♡ username: fearnie

[fauned]

( reason for her second death incoming, )

and because i havent seen them yet but now i want to make a point since netzy is clearly lying to himself and our coworkers ARE hot

i present to you my first of many considerations: miss gebura!

( with, of course, a candid as an attachment. everyone start thinking of eulogies but someone had to fucking do it. )

like im really starting to think that part of the requirements of working here is that they have to be pretty

1/2 (she's thinking hold on)

[icanfixer]

[ oooooooouugggggggggggggggghhhhhnhhhhdssyydhhshsggggaaskkdd










she has to give her support but she has to be very sneaky about it. ]

anonymous, txt

[icanfixer]

[ she's shifting into don incognixote mode ]

such a beauteous woman hath never existed til such a moment as this
oh but to only speak of her looks is to do her a disservice in every way
for it is her strength of hand and also of thigh which ought to attract all who walks upon this pleasant terra firma
no hair has ever been such a flame which my heart doth flutters towards
no chilling stare has ever stopped me in my very tracks as her gaze ever did
there are perhaps thousands
million
trillions of words one can create with the letters giving to us by our lines and more
and yet not a single one could appropriately describe the form before us

[ aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa she's sooooooooooooooooooooooooo eeeeeeeeeeeee yes her heart has been broken but she can't help it. ]

text; un: gebura

[bemist]

i know it's you don
this isn't gonna save you

[icanfixer]

[ holy shit how did she know ]

nay it is not don it is another

whom also agrees that thy countenance is one to be admired afar

and who also shall not need saving from whatever it is that the woman whom thou hath mentioned may need saving from

[bemist]

[ it is truly a mystery how Gebura could have guessed this so accurately. ]

you're a lot of things
but you're not stupid
don't prove me wrong

@DONQUIXOT3, txt

[icanfixer]

[ ... hesitant, but she'll reveal herself ]

thou hath my deepest apologies
i shall keep my thoughts close to myself rather than allow them to spill unto the world

[ gebura said she's not stupid after all.... she wants to be able to at least match that expectation ]

[bemist]

[ sometimes you have to change your approach-- ]

kinda after the fact at this point
don't do it again

1/2 (she's not thinking, hold on)

[bemist]

[ She's just. Seeing this. Processing this. ]

text; un: gebura

[bemist]

you've got fifteen seconds
enjoy it before i kick your ass

fearne is also clearly not thinking

[fauned]

haha and then what 😳

( SHE DESERVES WHATEVER'S COMING, SO SHE MIGHT AS WELL MAKE IT COUNT )

[bemist]

[ there's just silence. And then-- ]

time's up

[ I am sorry this is probably going to lead to Violence for Fearne if she finds her-- ]

[fauned]

( hahahahaha, listen. 'probably'? no no. there's no mistake about a violence or two happening to her after this. )

ooh, i do LOVE a good chase
or should i wait for you in a cute little chemise
i dont mind a mark or two, by the by,

( is she just fucking with her at this point. yeah. but also...........? )

[bemist]

[ THERE IS NO RESPONSE BECAUSE SHE'S ALREADY CRUISING FOR A BRUISIN'

Well on the bright side, Fearne will probably get a mark or two though it won't be the fun kind-- ]

[astraphilia]

oh shit

where do you work again?

text; un: gebura

[bemist]

don't bother coming to the bookstore if i'm just gonna have to throw you out again

[ hi. ]

[astraphilia]

[ it's so hot when beautiful women are mean to him ]

what if I'm just really interested in reading all of a sudden?

[bemist]

[ why are so many of you masochists ]

then keep your eyes on the books
not that hard

[astraphilia]

[ it's the trauma babey ]

okay but what if my eyes get strained and I need to look around or something

[bemist]

if i have to tell you what to do
you're gonna need more help in life than just a bookstore

text; un: Constantine

[keepgodwaiting]

🔥

text; un: gebura

[bemist]

[ why. ]

better off moving on
trust me

[keepgodwaiting]

[ Why? Hair. Leather jacket. Oral fixation. The possibilities are endless. ]

If you're not into women, I can rephrase

You look stunning!

[ is that more or less heterosexual ]

[bemist]

haven't really thought about it
not high on my list of priorities
but thanks

[keepgodwaiting]

Well, if you ever get curious, give us a call and I'll give you the sales pitch