video ; @thundaga

[astraphilia]

[ hello and welcome to Boredom Hours, sponsored by one too many midafternoon beers and a perpetual inability to not immediately make his ennui everyone else's problem. today's host is... Reno!

when the video starts, it's to a shockingly decently framed shot of Reno doing the hooligan squat on the front stoop of his apartment building. he's got a lit cigarette hanging from his mouth, and once he's sure that the video is rolling he takes a long drag of it before he speaks. ]

Sup. I'm Reno. Some of ya may know me from my colorful past as "guy who got yanked into pool by tentacle monster."

[ probably nobody knows him that way but it's fine. we are not concerned with strict veracity here. Reno blows a neat smoke ring and grins the kind of grin that means he knows he's being a pain in the ass. ]

I was thinkin', y'know, there's only so many of us. Probably ain't a bad idea to get to know each other, right? [ he gestures with his cigarette as he speaks as if to underscore his words. ] We need some conversation starters. Some icebreakers, y'know? Everybody's favorite highlight from their corporate bonding retreats.

So! [ he holds up a hand to count on.

one finger. ] Two truths and a lie. Post 'em, let other people guess. I'll leave mine too. Shoutout to the blond girlie who had that party a couple months back for this one.

[ two fingers. ] Hot or not. Or smash or pass, whatever you wanna call it. Post yourself and let people vote, if you're brave. Or post your friends if you want to fuck around. You can all see my face right now so count that as my submission.

[ three fingers. ] Creativity exercise, open prompt. You can go anywhere, be anybody, do anything you want. The world ain't ending and there's no war or whatever the hell going on. Who are you and what are you doing? [ brief smoke break, and then Reno stubs the butt out on the cement, exhaling as he says, ] Me, I wanna make mediocre coffee for minimum wage and not worry about shit except makin' rent.

[ and lastly, four fingers. ] "Reno, this is fuckin' stupid and I don't want to do it." Okay, nobody's got a gun to your head. We ain't even got guns here. Do what you want.

[ his four fingers curl in so he can offer a cheerful, if a bit manic, thumbs-up before he reaches out to turn off the video.

just before he touches the button, though, he pauses as if something just occurred to him— ] Oh, shit—also, drop map pins for your favorite restaurant in this place. I'm in the market for new eats, bonus points if it's spicy.

[ okay, now he's gone. ]

Comments

[onlythans]

Piss on that. I could be here for twelve bells listing off all the things you are, but a masochist isn't one of them.

[literally who would choose to set up shop in the eblan rime and rule there for eightysome years if they actually hated the cold. who would do that. why would you do that.]

[nomoresharks]

[The world can only guess at the machinations of the illustrious Emet-Selch.]

If you're speaking of matters I have yet to be a part of, I'm afraid I can't speak to them. In case you've forgotten.

Mayhap if there was a roaring fireplace to look forward to at the end, I may be convinced to enjoy such a place for a time.

[onlythans]

[Well, now that "Hythlodaeus" has also shown up, he's kind of squinting at this a little bit more than he might've otherwise. Speaking as someone who once stole Y'shtola's device and impersonated her on the network for the hell of it, it's not exactly outside his wheelhouse to consider.]

Really. No cutting remark? No thinly-veiled allusions to my mediocrity or ignorance?

[nomoresharks]

I happen to be feeling charitable today. Though if you would *prefer* I make a mockery of a man I barely know, you're free to make suggestions on where I am to begin.

That said, 'tis curious you ask this of me when you yourself *just* accused *me* of being a masochist. Have you any other proclivities you'd like to disclose?

[He feels a little bad for this, since he does like Thancred, but between being called out on his impression and Emet-Selch himself upping the stakes, it's time for him to actually try.]

[onlythans]

The only time you'd take a "suggestion" from someone like me is if you couldn't be arsed to come up with anything yourself.

I can't picture you with a greatsword, by the by.

[nomoresharks]

Then your imagination is more limited than I thought. 'Tis not a common choice, but if needs must I am more than capable of using one in tandem with protective magicks. Curious that you yourself have never claimed to see it, given all you claim to know.

[onlythans]

[He's got about ten more seconds before tabbing between Hyth's reaction to his thirst trap and this conversation from "Emet-Selch" has him noticing Hyth's rather distinctive way of adding emphasis to words. Not quite yet, but soon enough.]

Do you think so? I don't find it particularly strange, really.

A greatsword is for protecting others. Mayhap I was simply never in a context where you would have had reason to.

[nomoresharks]

[Hythlodaeus try not to praise people you like challenge: impossible]

How very astute of you. Unlike some people, I try not to make a habit of intruding in on others' problems. That you're still alive either proves my involvement was unnecessary, or my notice wasn't the only one you were beneath.

In any case, having skimmed this "icebreaking" exercise, I cannot help but notice you didn't bother with the first prompt. Regardless of what you may or may not have to hide, *I* have a competition to win. So if you would be so kind as to proffer two truths and a lie, we can move on from this conversation.

1/2

[onlythans]

[ > I try not to make a habit of intruding in on others' problems

> I try not to make a habit of intruding in on others' problems

> I try not to make a habit of intruding in on others' problems ]

[onlythans]

[sir thancred has lived through shadowbringers, the expansion lovingly subtitled "emet-selch makes a habit of intruding in on others' problems"

sometimes with a gun]

Very well. Afford me but a moment and I'll see if I can't come up with something.

[nomoresharks]

[Shadowbringers, AKA: Emet-Selch makes himself everyone's problem.]

Thank you for your cooperation. I shall attend your response anon.

[Regardless if he wins or loses this point, it should prove enlightening!]

[text] un: hythlodaeus

[recreator]

[Is he really doing this.... why is he doing this? Well for one, this is what you do when your best friend steals your phone and proceeds to impersonate you (horribly) in front of everyone. Is it merely tomfoolery? Or is Hythlodaeus offering him an opportunity?]

[He has no idea, but this "archon" certainly seems to have it in for him and he can't resist the chance to prod him a little.]

Now now, there's no need for all of that. Though I must admit I'm terribly surprised you got that one wrong. After all, by your telling, you and the most magnanimous Emet-Selch have quite the history - and not a particularly complimentary one by the sound of it. Perhaps you would regale us with a tale or two? Or a few of the grievances on this detailed list of yours?

[onlythans]

[All right, well now he knows something is up. Mostly because he and Hyth have talked about the most humble and definitely-not-on-this-call Emet-Selch before, and for all that Hyth might play coy, if he's doing it this time he's laying it on significantly thicker than usual.]

Why, Hythlodaeus, I thought you didn't like my tales of the most magnanimous Emet-Selch. Or the odious company he keeps, yourself of course excluded.

[recreator]

[Well, well. It seems his gamble isn't about to pay off in the way he'd hoped, yet he sees no reason to accept defeat just yet. He's already learned something quite useful, after all - that being that this prickly individual not only knows Hythlodaeus, but has potentially discussed his own person previously. Certainly not something Hythlodaeus has told him about.]

[And though he cannot blame his friend for remaining mum on the subject, it does little to assuage his own interest in what he may know. Or who precisely this "odious" company is.]

Oh? That's odd. I just can't imagine why you would be under that particular assumption. Of course I'm always eager to hear of my friend's exploits, questionable company notwithstanding.

[onlythans]

[The funny thing about talking to these two simultaneously is that they both have the same habitual way of deflecting. Quick to put the figurative ball of the conversation back into his court, without ever quite volunteering much of their own. It's a pattern he might not have picked up on in other circumstances, but side by side, it catches notice.

Thus: bait time.]

Oh, I daresay it had something to do with my calling the whole of the Convocation of Fourteen a pack of murderers, Lahabrea chief among them. I'm sure you recall that, don't you? We chatted about it a moon or two ago.

[recreator]

[The bait lands with all the subtlety of an entire airship full of fireworks exploding at once - not that Emet-Selch would know what either of those things are. To accuse his brethren of being a pack of murderers sets his blood boiling almost immediately, even before the mention of Lahabrea has time to fully settle.]

[Yes, Lahabrea. He too had been a key figure in the Warrior of Light's preposterous tale. That a man so well-respected, who has served the Convocation tirelessly for centuries alongside his positions as chief keyword of Pandaemonium and head of the phantomology department back at the Akadaemia--that such a man could effectively be accused of going off the deep end, responsible for the deaths of thousands, not only beggars belief but is fully deserving of harsh disciplinary action.]

[...Or would be, if this grating individual were one of them.]

Oh, did we now?

I fear I must have put such unfounded, offensive, and deeply concerning claims from my mind. That is (it goes without saying) quite a grave accusation to have leveled against the Fourteen, particularly when no evidence has been presented in support of your statements.

[onlythans]

I wonder what manner of evidence you would accept. Firsthand knowledge, mayhap? Ah, no, an eyewitness account would needs must rely on the credibility of the witness.

Suppose I were to show you an object of his making. Would you be able to discern its purpose without my telling you? I imagine it still carries the residue of his aether.

[recreator]

Nay. A verbal account would hardly be necessary. If what you describe is an event you have witnessed firsthand, it would be but a small matter to witness it again through your memories of it. Such things are quite commonplace, I assure you.

As for this hypothetical object of yours, if it is truly a work of Lahabrea, then yes, we would be able to determine his signature from any residual aether that may yet cling to it. Mind you, that would not necessarily reveal the object's true purpose, but it would be a start.

[onlythans]

I'll be damned to all seven hells before I let anyone go rummaging around in my memories. Out of the question.

I'm more than happy to let you poke at his blasted crystal, however. It's not as though I'm pleased to have the wretched thing.

[recreator]

Oh please. Even amongst our kind we don't simply go prodding about in others' headspaces without their permission. I will respect your vehement refusal.

[And it isn't as if his position offers him any sort of authority in this place - a point of which he is most keenly aware.]

That being said, and if you have no further objections, I should like to have a look at this crystal of yours. (Or his, rather.)

That is, if you believe such an arrangement can be made amicably?

[nomoresharks]

[Oh hells-that-don't-exist-yet, Hades took the bait. Now he's going to have to respond too, isn't he?]

*Excuse me?* You and Hythlodaeus may have had such a conversation but *I* certainly don't recall hearing any of this. I have no idea *where* you've come up with such an absurd idea, but this is nothing short of slander, and I will hear nothing of it!

[Oh he should definitely have sounded angrier there, he can already tell. But at least no one can say he didn't try.]

[onlythans]

Well, of course you didn't. He wouldn't have wanted to tell you, would he?

[nomoresharks]

[Read like a book]

I should think he would tell me something as important as *that.* [And that might also be an admission of guilt on his part. In multiple senses of the word.] Or perhaps he wished to keep these lies from being disseminated any further.

[onlythans]

Oh, I daresay it's almost certainly the latter. Hythlodaeus knows better than to bother you with the ravings of a madman. Why should he bother repeating them?

[nomoresharks]

[If Emet-Selch is going to (mostly) drop the act in this situation... Barest pretense it is.]

I would argue it would be because I've already heard a version of it before. From an individual we both are presumably acquainted with, but *he* is not.