video ; @thundaga

[astraphilia]

[ hello and welcome to Boredom Hours, sponsored by one too many midafternoon beers and a perpetual inability to not immediately make his ennui everyone else's problem. today's host is... Reno!

when the video starts, it's to a shockingly decently framed shot of Reno doing the hooligan squat on the front stoop of his apartment building. he's got a lit cigarette hanging from his mouth, and once he's sure that the video is rolling he takes a long drag of it before he speaks. ]

Sup. I'm Reno. Some of ya may know me from my colorful past as "guy who got yanked into pool by tentacle monster."

[ probably nobody knows him that way but it's fine. we are not concerned with strict veracity here. Reno blows a neat smoke ring and grins the kind of grin that means he knows he's being a pain in the ass. ]

I was thinkin', y'know, there's only so many of us. Probably ain't a bad idea to get to know each other, right? [ he gestures with his cigarette as he speaks as if to underscore his words. ] We need some conversation starters. Some icebreakers, y'know? Everybody's favorite highlight from their corporate bonding retreats.

So! [ he holds up a hand to count on.

one finger. ] Two truths and a lie. Post 'em, let other people guess. I'll leave mine too. Shoutout to the blond girlie who had that party a couple months back for this one.

[ two fingers. ] Hot or not. Or smash or pass, whatever you wanna call it. Post yourself and let people vote, if you're brave. Or post your friends if you want to fuck around. You can all see my face right now so count that as my submission.

[ three fingers. ] Creativity exercise, open prompt. You can go anywhere, be anybody, do anything you want. The world ain't ending and there's no war or whatever the hell going on. Who are you and what are you doing? [ brief smoke break, and then Reno stubs the butt out on the cement, exhaling as he says, ] Me, I wanna make mediocre coffee for minimum wage and not worry about shit except makin' rent.

[ and lastly, four fingers. ] "Reno, this is fuckin' stupid and I don't want to do it." Okay, nobody's got a gun to your head. We ain't even got guns here. Do what you want.

[ his four fingers curl in so he can offer a cheerful, if a bit manic, thumbs-up before he reaches out to turn off the video.

just before he touches the button, though, he pauses as if something just occurred to him— ] Oh, shit—also, drop map pins for your favorite restaurant in this place. I'm in the market for new eats, bonus points if it's spicy.

[ okay, now he's gone. ]

Comments

[text] un: hythlodaeus

[recreator]

[You, sir, are in deep, deep trouble. And truly, it isn't difficult at all to determine the culprit who snatched his device given the selfsame culprit also left his own rather regrettably unprotected. Following the trail of chaos had proven a bit more difficult, but here they are.]

[Yet the biggest annoyance for him is how positively dreadful Hythlodaeus's mimicking ability is. After all these hundreds of years, is this truly the best Emet-Selch impression he can muster? How disappointing...]

Well now, this is unexpected. And how pleased I am to see you joining in the fun of your own accord, my friend.

Though if you'll forgive me for saying so, I'm surprised you didn't choose something a touch more challenging. These truths, after all, are quite well known even amongst those who don't know you well.

Shall we make this more interesting?

[This is the calm before the storm.]

[nomoresharks]

[Delight is immediately tempered by trepidation as Hythlodaeus reads that last line.

This was mainly for fun (and to help Emet-Selch along with making friends), but if this is how it's going to be...]

Of my own accord? I was merely getting to it before you decided to do so for me. Should I reply to the others too, or have I sated your desire for my embarrassment for the time being?

[He's reasonably certain he can pick up Emet-Selch's tastes well enough to do so in a way the man would grudgingly approve of.]

...Very well. If you wish to make this interesting, let's. What do you suggest>

[recreator]

[Thank you for confirming the situation, Hythlodaeus. So you went ahead and did as much of your own accord without so much as a by-your-leave. Well, since you've started this whole mess, you may as well be the one to finish it, too.]

Oh, come now! You know far better than I do that I've no desire to put you in a difficult or awkward position. You recall what I said, yes? About seeking adventure and trying new things?

Perhaps learning more about the others who have joined us in this city will be just what you need to better acclimate. In other words, please don't let me stop you.

As for my suggestion, I think we ought to enjoy ourselves. Naturally if you and I tried to catch one another in a lie we'd be here all evening and well into the 'morrow, but we yet know little about our fine companions here. Shall we make it a contest to see which of us guesses the most answers correctly?

[nomoresharks]

[That's the spirit!]

How unlike you. This city must have inflamed your sense of competition as much as it has your desire to flaunt your individuality. But I'll rise to your challenge, if you insist. But if you insist on raising the stakes, allow me to do you one better: should I lose, I will acquiesce to your wishes and wear something other than my robes for a day.

A *day.* And not a bell more.

[Which is to say if Emet-Selch-playing-Hythlodaeus loses, of course. And Hythlodaeus eagerly awaits the return-offer.]

[recreator]

And quite the generous offer, I must say!

In that case, should I be the one to lose, I will see to it that you needn't fuss over tedious social interactions for an entire day. How does breakfast in bed sound? Perhaps a robust, extra spicy broth to chase away the morning chill? And because we're such good friends, I'll be certain to taste test my culinary endeavors before they make their way onto your serving tray.

I do hope my cooking is to your liking.

[Which is to say that, yes. If you lose, Hythlodaeus, you will be letting him sleep in unbothered. And you'll be partaking of this extra spicy soup as punishment for all the mischief you've caused. Bon appétit.]

[nomoresharks]

[Oh that's just cruel.]

I accept on one condition: rather than *your* culinary endeavors, you will serve something from one a restaurant. Preferably one of the ones suggested here in this post. You are free to taste test that as well if you are so inclined.

[He doesn't trust his own cooking yet, Hades, please let him at least have this.]

[recreator]

Oh, you wound me!

But very well. I suppose I can make this one allowance - in the name of fairness and all that. (Provided I'm allowed to choose the restaurant, of course!)

There've been so many intriguing suggestions thus far it'll be a difficult decision to be sure.

[nomoresharks]

Yes, yes, choose whichever restaurant you like. So long as you are aware that I have no intention to lose.

[recreator]

Ah yes, of course. I'd expect no less of the Emet-Selch, after all.

Good luck to you, my friend. And may the best man win!