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video; un: thevampirelestat

[ The screen opens up to a black imitation Chesterfield couch in pride of place at the centre of the screen. On it sits a young man of seemingly around twenty years old, dressed in a half unbuttoned black shirt and silver waistcoat, tight black slacks and shining black boots with golden toe caps; his long legs crossed elegantly before him, he lifts his wrist in a light wave of greeting toward the viewfinder. ]

Good evening, everyone. Lestat here.

[ A flourish of his other hand, a widespread sweep as if he'd just announced something very impressive, and then he leans forward with the manner one might take when speaking to a dear friend, rather than addressing a network of mostly strangers. ]

I've been thinking, mes très chers, as I am often known to do: it's my birthday soon, and though I'd love nothing more than to throw some grand shindig and invite all of you, I have it from a reputable source that it might not be the best idea given the way the last party we were all invited to turned out for a lot of us.

[ In the background, another figure can be seen through the entranceway leading to the kitchen, though this man seems much less prepared to be on show to the entire network as he goes about taking off his gardening gloves and placing the tools he'd been using into the sink. He emerges a moment or two later with two freshly potted plants in his hands, which he deposits somewhere off-screen, before returning and taking his place at Lestat's side. ]

That, and, if I'm being honest... I'm feeling strangely low-key about it this year. All I really want to do is sit in the comfortable velvet seats of a quaint little movie theater and watch something new. I've heard of the media store opening soon, of course, but I'll be another year older weeks before its doors open. Instead of wasting time browsing once I'm inside, I thought instead that I might rely on the knowledge of the masses, so-to-speak, and get a few recommendations before that time comes.

So, I come to you with a question, my beloved City: what is your favourite movie? Tell me the plot, describe to me your favourite scene, tell me how your favourite actor 'eats up' every role they play — truly, anything goes. If you don't have films in the world you are from, perhaps tell me your favourite story, and maybe while I'm inside the media store I can keep my eye out for an adaptation of it for you.

[ His eyes naturally slide to his side, to his patient companion, and a smile curls his mouth. ]

And, if you're interested in something a little more challenging... Louis is here, too, and he can be frightfully picky. If you manage to genuinely pique his interest, then you'll really impress me.

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[ Don't worry, Daniel will give a very meaningful hum as a reply to that initial question. Oh, Lestat, he sure was. Daniel won't repeat any of the words, not wanting to potentially further embarrass poor Louis, but he will definitely give Lestat the pleasure of knowing the person he loves so much was thinking about him.

Instead it's only the second part he properly verbally answers. ]

And you're sure you can't just let a tiny part of your standards go? I think that if you truly set your mind to it, you could most likely convince yourself that you are just happy doing anything with him. It's how love works, after all. That's what it's always been like for me.

[ Not that he's really going to get into that one, because he'll just end up missing his wife even more and things will just get Awkward.. But he can risk that brief mention without his thoughts going to a sad place. For now. ]

[ Lestat’s eyes narrow a bit at that, his expression turning pointed and a little teasing because… well, he’s already discovered how easy Daniel makes it to tease him, and he’s already well aware that his own resistance is practically useless in the face of such an opportunity. ]

Well, monsieur Casanova - you’ll have to give me some inspiration when it comes to lowering my lofty standards. I feel lucky for every moment he’s at my side, but I would feel better with the advice of someone so lucky in love as you are.

[ .. he lets out a soft breath, it almost sounds like a laugh.

There's nothing really mirthful in it though, even if Daniel brushes right past that fact, instead speaking up like he doesn't want anyone's mind to linger for even a moment too long on his initial reaction. ]

I think you might have been reading a little bit too much into that statement. [ He says it lightly, though. Like it's just a joke.

Daniel forces himself to not think about it. ]

But when it comes to ideas for simple things you could do together.. Sometimes the simple things you do together can become romantic pretty easily, you know? [ Usually he'd suggest a dinner, but..

.. you know.. vampires.. ]

The easiest way to do that is to insert something thoughtful into an everyday activity. Show that you've remembered something about him that he might not realise you've remembered. Link it to something he likes. Things like that.

[ Reading too much into it, huh? While it’s true that Lestat will often become all too fascinated with the trees to care very much about seeing the forest, that comment in particular only makes him want to focus in a little tighter on what might be going unsaid here. Doesn’t Daniel have children? Well, it’s true that having a family does not necessarily mean a happy relationship, but Daniel is such a sweet-hearted man that Lestat finds it difficult to imagine anything else.

It’s a good thing Lestat can’t read minds over video, or he might be tempted to forego the assurances he’d made. ]

That is where it becomes difficult, you know. As vampires our memory is almost perfect, I remember every second of my life with him, and small gestures never feel enough to me.

[ He shifts his crossed legs from one to the other, in a movement that might almost be considered fidgeting, if Lestat were the kind of man to fidget. ]

… I did not grow up with a lot of romance in my life. There were no role models in my home to show me what it was supposed to look like. When I had the opportunity for love, I showed it in those small, considerate ways you speak of, but doubt was always much stronger. And after doubt comes resentment, as we all know.

[ A moment to pause. Somehow, it’s easy to spill certain tales like this to Daniel. Lestat takes a moment to wonder if talking to humans is always like this - was that why Louis had found it so easy to talk to that reporter boy? Perhaps it’s merely what Lestat can see in Daniel that makes him want to share. Who’s to say, really. ]

I worry that such small things might make him doubt how much I care; if I were to suddenly start to reel myself in, would he think I no longer have the passion for it? [ A little sigh. ] He wanted a quiet evening for his birthday, you know. Just quiet intimacy between the two of us. I knew as much before he told me, but I couldn’t resist the impulse to celebrate loudly. He made a face, but I know he enjoyed it. If I hadn’t done that, if I’d given him what he professed to want, he would have been happy, but I can’t help but think he might have wondered why I resisted.

[ Another sigh, this one a little more childishly frustrated, though it soon turns into a little chuckle as he concludes: ]

Love is certainly not easy, mon ami.

[ Though Daniel has never thought Lestat to be vapid, this does show that he thinks rather deeply about these things. Maybe even a little too deeply, since the more Daniel listens, the more he thinks it doesn't just have to do with love not being easy. It has a little to do with Lestat himself too, and with the way he thinks about things.

.. not like he's going to say 'go to therapy' though when Daniel himself is actively refusing therapy..

So rather than focusing on that angle of it, he pauses, thinks, and then starts on: ]

You certainly aren't the only one who feels that way though. [ There we go, safer. And still true. ] It's easy to see other people and assume they are feeling much more confident about these things by nature, but.. I think everyone out there worries about their relationship, if not just a little bit. Two people in a relationship often both worry about it in different ways, or even the same way.

[ Man, Lestat would love therapy if he knew it was a thing. An hour where he just gets to talk about himself? Sign him up.

As it is, though, Lestat is not quite accustomed to talking about his fears and concerns with such direct honesty; he’s much more accustomed to playing the role of the unflappable vampire with a devil-may-care attitude, off of whom insults and derision simply bounce back. He’s not used to telling humans how self-conscious he can be about his relationship, nor divulging how much he worries that one day Louis will grow resentful again and leave him, again.

So to hear that this is normal and that others feel this way regularly, is strangely comforting to him. He feels less isolated in all of this. Less othered, more recognised. More seen. ]

They do? [ He asks, raising a hand to run a finger under his lower lip in thought. ] I come from a time when divorce hadn’t even been invented yet, you see. Most couples I’ve seen live unhappily. I don’t want to be one of them. But talking about things like this with the person in question is so very difficult. I never imagined how hard honesty can be.

.. are you worried he'd leave you?

[ Man, this is inching closer and closer with every single passing moment to things Daniel LaRusso of all people would rather not be talking about. But in for a penny, in for a pound - he considers Lestat someone he cares about, and it's not like he's going to abandon the other in the middle of a conversation like this.

Especially when this practically is Lestat talking about his feelings, and noping out in the middle of it wouldn't exactly be encouraging the other to continue to do so, even if it has more to do with Daniel's own bad experiences than anything else. ]

If you talked about things like this with him, I mean. Is that what keeps you from doing it?

[ Lestat drums his fingers on his knee – in thought or in distraction, it’s hard to tell as his attention hasn’t wandered even slightly from Daniels’s face. It’s almost like he’s trying to figure out the man’s intention, though such a thing surely wouldn’t require nearly as much hard work as he’s clearly putting in to figure out. He doesn’t even know how they got onto this topic that sits so close to the tender centre of Lestat’s heart, so close that in any other circumstance he would have forcibly changed the subject by now… but somehow, looking at Daniel’s earnest face, he’s finding it difficult to resist the urge to keep speaking.

Finally, he sighs. ]

I don’t worry that he’ll leave me for being honest. My honesty is what brought us together again after I forced him away the first time. It’s more that I worry that in that honesty he’ll find too much of the way I was when I met him, reflected in my true nature. I worry he’ll remember why it was he held so much resentment toward me. Most of all, I worry I’ll upset him by simply being the way I am.

[ The finger worrying his lip digs in a little, a slight drop of blood appears on his lip only to be quickly washed away by his tongue. ]

I have already upset him on a number of occasions since arriving here, and Louis can be surprisingly difficult to get a straight answer from, so I’m bound to do it again. How many times do you think a partner can cope with a mistake before they grow tired?

[ How many times do you think a partner can cope with a mistake before they grow tired?

Lestat doesn't know, obviously. Daniel is well aware of that. Even though he is cutting right to the heart of the matter in so few words, he has no clue just how close he is to approaching Daniel's very own issue. It leaves the man quiet, Daniel's expression slowly growing more and more troubled with each passing moment. ]

Lestat, that's--

[ He starts, then stops. It's so hard to talk about this. He has hardly told anyone in this place, because it is just easy to pretend to be a relatively normal guy compared to everyone else, someone who has pretty much everything together. Someone other people don't need to worry about.

It's how he has always carried himself in life, after all.

But it feels disingenuous to continue this conversation without making this fact very clear, even if he turns the conversation private before saying it. No one else has to know. ]

.. my wife left me. Right before I ended up here instead. She-- [ There is so much he could say about it, and yet so little he actually feels like he has the capacity to say. ] It's because I wasn't honest with her.

[ That's definitely not the main issue, and it's also Daniel blaming himself way more than he should, but.. ssh.. ]

So-- please don't make the same mistakes as I did. Make sure to be honest with him.

[ Lestat is a man of many masks, and it seems yet another falls away as Daniel's revelation falls into place between them. He finds it so impossible to believe at first; he's so enchanted by Daniel's warm heart and his selfless nature that the idea anyone would struggle to care for him, let alone fall out of love with him, seems utterly impossible. But then, hadn't his own lack of honesty rocked what should have been an eternal partnership? Hadn't Lestat threatened that partnership again, here, by being reluctant to give Louis the whole truth of himself?

What could someone like Daniel have to hide from his wife, what could he have to lie about?? His heart aches, in a messy amalgamation of sympathy and empathy. After all, if matters of the heart are difficult for someone as good as Daniel is, what hope does he have? But he firms his resolve, determined to know and not to look this heartbreaking confession in the mouth — to honour it by understanding why it happened, and learning from it. ]

Daniel... I'm sorry to hear it, but I'm touched you told me.

[ He puts his hand to his heart; the gentleman's way of showing his earnestness. ]

Tell me — if you had the chance to do it over again, would you be honest with her, regardless of how she might react? Even if it came to the same outcome?

[ It's not an easy question. But Daniel doesn't want to avoid it either - not when he's asked Lestat so many questions here. Sure, those questions were more to make the other think about things than for Daniel to gain information, but he still doesn't want to come across as someone who's invasive, but unwilling to give away anything about himself. ]

I.. probably.

[ It's not a definite yes, but even with his complicated tone, it leans close to that sort of answer. ]

It's a little complicated, since it's not like I lied to her. It would have been easier if that was it. [ At least then he could correct it. Then he could apologize, then they might have been able to make up.

He sucks in a breath, his tone a little tight. Like he's struggling to talk about this, even in the light of Lestat's compassion. ]

Instead it's.. It's just that I didn't tell her about something. But I had never told anyone about that. No, I've-- I've never been able to tell anyone about that. Not for decades. And because she didn't know about the thing I never told her about, she misunderstood a situation.

[ And that's how it all went to hell.

Granted, someone heavily orchestrated things to work out that way, but.. with Daniel being Daniel, there's no way he isn't going to blame himself first. ]

[ Lestat nods, all bravado lost now to leave behind the man he is without the vampirism. He’s glad Daniel turned the call private, because there is the faintest trace of pink blood-tears gathering at the corner of one of Lestat’s silvery eyes.

He understands. Just a mistake. Just a foolish error made in fear or absence of thought. Not a lack of care, just an oversight. Not a lack of trust, but a lack of honesty. It rings so true to how he was with Nicki, how he’d been with Louis, that Lestat feel breathless with emotion.

He’s always been so quick to tears, so he doesn’t seem bothered by it, but he does press a long finger to the corner of his eye to halt the tears falling. ]

When Louis left me for not honest with him, I spent years away from him thinking he would rather think me dead. When we reunited, when I told him exactly who I am, I realised that I’d wasted so much time apart from him that I needn’t have. I had given up hope, and it cost me almost a century away from him.

Do not give up hope, Daniel. I will learn from your mistakes, and I will continue to be the man I am for Louis and hope he continues to love me regardless. I won’t forget what you have done here today in telling me this, what it has cost you.

[ Lestat is also a proud man and protective of his own vulnerability, so he understands that discomfort in Daniel’s frame and his tone. ]

In return, learn from mine. You are a man with a kind heart, and believe me such a thing is rare these days. Don’t lose hope.

...

[ It's good to see that this talk seems to have ignited something within Lestat, at least. Hopefully it put him a little bit more at ease - that's what Daniel hopes the most for the other. That Lestat and Louis can just be happy together, with minimum worries.

But then there's the last part. That's the part that gets Daniel quiet for a moment. Don't lose hope, Lestat says, and Daniel doesn't know how to tell the other that he already lost it a long time ago. That there's no recovering it, somewhere between how utterly depressing it is to be stuck in a place like this city where so many awful things happen and people get hurt, and the situation back home, which feels beyond recovery at this point. No matter whether Daniel is here or whether he'd go home tomorrow, things would be awful regardless.

It feels so bleak. He doesn't want to tell the other. Lestat almost cried because of him already just now. When the other has so many things to worry about already, Daniel refuses to let himself be added to the other man's worries, even when it has felt like he has been slowly drowning for months now. ]

[ He exhales.

It's fine. ]

You know you don't have to worry about me, Lestat. [ He may be silently praying the other kept his word to not read Daniel's thoughts.. ] I just said all of that to show you that people can screw up, you know? As long as you and Louis are happy, then I'm glad for you. That's all that matters.

[ A selfish man like Lestat isn’t wholly familiar with the inclination to be so selfless, but he can easily recognise the qualities of such a trait because he desperately wishes he had them. Lestat can’t willingly choose to forego his own emotions for the sake or benefit of someone else – his entire back-catalogue of arguments with Louis have been about that exact problem – and yet, somehow, inexplicably, when he looks at Daniel he’s half tempted to try.

How does a normal, well-adjusted person feel in this situation? Should he feel disgust that his nature has been altered in such a way? Should he feel happy, pleased that he’s stepping away from something monstrous and toward something human? Should he feel relief, perhaps, to find that he can still change despite centuries of life spent wandering the earth wondering if he’ll ever be truly happy for longer than a few hours at a time?

Do you think that’s believable, what you just said? threatens to fall from his mouth, dancing behind his fangs, trying to prise his lips open. But no, he won’t say it. He’ll resist. For the sake of this friendship with this kind-hearted human… and also for the fact that he can’t stand to have too many emotional revelations over video chat, of all things. ]

It is only people who could use a little worry that tell you not to worry, I’ve found. You have a lot of heart.

[ But! That’s all he’ll say on it. ]

Thank you, Daniel. For what you said, for this, for all of it. You’ll get me that list of films your mother liked soon, won’t you?

[ Thank you for mostly letting him get away with this, Lestat. Daniel can take that tiny poke, at least - especially when he doesn't have to reveal anything when the other man immediately moves on to say that last part.

He'd prefer to bury all of this in his heart for a little longer. Or a lot longer, if people will let him. It's easier this way. ]

Of course, I haven't forgotten.

[ Despite.. the conversation having taken a turn for the deeper.. but he doesn't mind.

It at least feels good to help people. Especially people he's fond of. ]

Good luck to you two. I'll send the list over soon, promise.

[ And with that, he disconnects the feed. ]

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