citynet | Backdated to late Nov. 28 | text; un: Constantine

[When Loki’s image comes through he’s smirking knowingly.]

I did not ask if you were alive, my dear. But thank you none-the-less. I do understand that you do not wish to speak of whatever happened, but if you should change your mind, which I suggest, know I have heard and done so much worse. Not that it needs to be me you speak with.

[It just so happens that Loki is intimately aware of how wrong things can go when you keep things bottled up.]

I don't appreciate being managed. Or lectured like, like a kid who skipped class! Fuck's sake, I've been doing magic since I was old enough to skip class! Someone could've died last night if I hadn't shown up and you tell me it was a mistake for me to go out there.

[ Welp. Sure isn't bottled. ]

You've got one thing right. I'll do it again. I'm not going to sit on my hands while this City fucks with us.

Is someone managing you? The last I knew, offering advice was hardly managing anything. At the risk of sounding as if I am lecturing you though, I have been doing magic since before your bloodline existed. I do know what it’s like to overdo it. And I never said it was a mistake for you to go. In fact, I believe I quite clearly stated that I only wished you had asked me to come with you.

[He sighs, but it’s with fondness. He might actually be enjoying her anger, if only because it reminds him so much of himself. It is nice to find a kindred spirit.]

Yes, you will. And you should, with me by your side.

Do you have any idea how patronizing that sounds! And I suppose Hob would thank me for putting you in harm's way, would he? How would you take it if I'd brought him along with me?

Oh? Is patronizing off the table? I must have misunderstood when you said something similar to me.

I do not know how Robert would react. I am sure he would worry, which is normal, but I also know how much I can handle alone, and I hope he does as well. Even I have worked with others to accomplish a common goal. As for you bringing him, I suppose it would depend on what you needed him for. I know he is trained as a soldier so if he was immediately available and you needed him to use one of those guns or plot a battle, then I could understand why you might ask.

However, if you dragged him along with no plan and no back up when running headlong into a known dangerous situation, then you and I would have words. Much like we are now due to you doing just that.

Due to me--!

[ Constantine breaks off and pinches the bridge of her nose. ]

You don't know what I can handle.

[ Not a terribly strong argument when she started the conversation off admitting that fighting isn't her specialty, to be sure, but that doesn't mean she's helpless. ]

You've made your point.

[It’s very hard for Loki not to smirk. He knows he’s made a good point.]

No, I suppose I do not. But I also know that most who survive battle did so because they had others with them watching their back. With these things, there is always strength in numbers.

[When she concedes his point, he lets his smirk show fully.]

Excellent. Now that we have agreed on that point, I have a favour to ask. When you are feeling up to it, would you consider telling me what did happen? I would like to now what worked against the beast and how your magic succeeded. Perhaps with some of this information we can prevent this from happening again.

[ Dry: ] I agreed you made your point.

[ That point being, as she currently sees it, that she isn't capable of handling something without a chaperone.

Heaven forbid she say something as vulnerable as I feel like you don't trust me, though, or This is the first time since I got here I didn't feel totally helpless so let me have this. And she certainly can't say something like I thought someone I know was going to tear me to shreds and it was terrifying and I'm furious and sad and now my friend is angry with me so my feelings are a little fucked up right now at this point in the conversation.

Better to get out of the call. Consider the good points he does have later. Figure out what to say to Hob that isn't apologizing for something she's not sorry for. She's so tired. ]

Sure. When I'm feeling up to it.

[Loki sighs, no longer trying to put on any front. He knows he’s offended her and he feels badly about it. It actually hadn’t been his intention.]

My apologies Johanna. I truly only meant to thank you and offer my aid in the future. I’m afraid I’m not very used to situations like this, where I’m actually bothered by what might happen to someone.

[The ‘that I care about’ part he leaves off. Loki of all people knows how saying something like that will go over at this point. Now he just has to worry that he’s already done enough damage.]

Please let me know when you are available. Your time is much appreciated.

[ Seeing him drop the front soothes her ruffled feathers slightly; so does the unspoken part, maybe especially because it's unspoken. She tugs the blanket around herself a little more and sighs in turn. ]

You -- Loki, I'm--

[ What does she even want to say here? ]

It's good of you to be bothered. Really. But can't you trust me to just maybe know what I'm doing?

Does being worried mean I don’t think you know what you’re doing? [It’s an honest question. He’s not really considered that before but he can see her point.]

I truly did not mean to infer that you do not know your own craft, but knowing what you’re doing does not mean you cannot get hurt.

We're having words because I went [ air quotes ] "running headlong into a dangerous situation with no plan and no back up," apparently.

[Loki looks thoughtful for a moment.] I can see no fault in that phrasing. Is that not what you did? I am not saying you should not have done all you could to help, nor that you aren’t fully capable of helping, but you did run into a dangerous situation with no plan and no back up.

[ She scoffs. ]

I didn't have a plan. News to me. I have a distinct memory of coming up with plans.

[ This is technically true, insofar as while she was jogging through the streets listening for snarling or howling, she was coming up with several ideas for what to do. Distract the wolf, like she'd done at the outset, and lead it somewhere else. Weaken it, so it'd do less damage. Send it to sleep. Try to reach Chandler, wherever he was behind those yellow eyes.

None of them were particularly good plans, and they all went out the window when she finally found the wolf, but she's sticking to her guns on the technicalities here. Her pride is too brittle to do otherwise. ]

Should I have run them by Hob for approval while he was bleeding all over the floor?

No backup, fine. [ She blows out a breath and slumps back. ] Yes. Fine.

Oh? Then please, tell me your plan. You know, I used to plan battles for my brother and his friends. I’m quite good at it myself and do love to hear of others. [Yes, he sounds a little snippy because no, he does not believe her. Good plans never come at the drop of a hat while you’re running through the streets after your prey. Loki knows all about making plans on the fly and having them fail.

He stiffens at the mention of Hob’s injuries. He knows she didn’t actually let him bleed out all over the floor, but that doesn’t stop the image from coming to his mind. When he speaks, his voice is hard as he clearly tries to retain his emotions. Something he has never been good at.] I do hope you don’t mean to say that in addition to running off into a dangerous situation with no plan, that you also did it while Robert lay bleeding out?

[He raises an eyebrow looking at her through the camera, his back stiff and his face as blank as he can make it, though there is a swirl of emotion in his blue eyes. Some anger, some annoyance and a whole lot of fear. If she’d meant to hurt him with that image, she was successful.]

--What? No, Jesus, Loki, I got Morpheus to help him. I didn't leave until I knew he had help.

[ It's only now, as she sees Loki's sudden stiff posture, that it occurs to her that she maybe should have called Loki at that point, too. It simply hadn't occurred to her in the panic of the moment -- and if it had, she probably would have judged that she wants to deal with Morpheus' displeasure less than she does Loki's.

Would've been easy to think that at the time. Less easy to think of it now, facing down Loki's anger, even through a screen. ]

Edited 2023-12-07 00:47 (UTC)

[Loki runs a hand over his tired eyes, unable to look at her for a moment.]

I know you would not really do that. As much as you pretend not to, I know you care about Robert.

[It’s not something he’s spoken of to anyone, but Loki is a little hurt that no one let him know until after everything was over. He does not blame Hob, of course, he was hardly in a state to do much of anything as he understands it. And why would Dream call him? He’s pretty sure he doesn’t like Loki at all. But Johanna? He thought they were friends. He’s not about to admit to any of that right now though, or maybe ever.]

I think maybe this call was a mistake. All I wished to say is that if you ever need help in such a situation, I would not mind if you took 30 seconds to message me. That is all.

[ I think maybe this call was a mistake.

Funny old world. You manage to avoid getting gutted by the snarling beast in the street, just to get ripped open by eight quiet little words a day later. ]

Loki--

I'm -- sorry.

[ Sorry she didn't call him then, sorry she disappointed him. Sorry she's like this. She doesn't know how else to be. Except that's not true, is it? She knows how a good person would act, but never until it's too late. ]

I'll -- I'll keep it in mind. Thank you. For the offer. And for checking in on me.

[The apology surprises him and he doesn’t bother to hide that. He feels too tired to hide much of anything right now. He doesn’t know what to say. Has anyone ever actually apologized to him before?]

I… it’s… It’s okay. I am glad you are okay. I will not bother you further, but if you need anything, please let me know.

[ Constantine certainly isn't in the habit of apologizing. It doesn't make her feel much better. It feels like lancing a boil: messy, sharply painful. Leaves behind a raw ache. Feels like maybe it would've gone away on its own if she just waited.

Last time she waited too long, though, and her friend disappeared without any resolution.

And the time before that was Rachel. ]

Sure, yeah. [ Quietly, looking down. ] I will. Take care of yourself.

[ And she hangs up, and looks at the stuffed mouse sitting on the armchair across from her, and decides to go back to bed. ]

Backdated to late Nov. 28 | text; un: Constantine

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