citynet | Video | UN: Ouroborosed -- Subject: AMA

[Crowley flips on the camera before sitting back in an office chair in his usual slouch. Behind him is the backdrop of one of the labyrinthine office buildings, the shades of beige and grey a sharp contrast to his black clothes and red hair. There is a peculiar tension about him, something about the way he's square his shoulders, and the considerable supply of unopened bottles next to him suggests there is some need for the liquid courage.]

Right then. The mall here, yeah? Only marginally worse than the normal kind. And hey, at least we'll never have to deal with the Boxing Day rush, eh?

...That'd be analogous to Black Friday for all you Americans. I don't know if there's a Canadian equivalent. Never stuck around long enough to find out. Saw a moose once and decided that place could just be someone else's problem.

[He shuffles uncomfortably.]

Okay. Yeah. Enough small talk. Time to rip the bandaid off.

[Deep breaths, Crowley.]

So the thing I was worried about happening? ...Happened. For the exact reason and in the exact way I thought it would happen. I'm sure I'll look back and laugh about it one day, but right now I'd like to get ahead of it happening again. No more fun little surprise exorcisms. At least none that I won't see coming.

So, here we go. Let's get this over with.

I'm a literal demon from literal Hell - yes that one - and their former operative of Earth, presently retired.

Ask me anything.

[He's already popping the top off the tequila. He's going to need it.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

For all intents and purposes, I don't think demons exist in every universe present. Or if they do, it's not always in the same way we do in my world. Multiverse theory playing merry hell on people's perceptions and whatnot.

As for what it entails; nothing pleasant. Falling is supposed to be a punishment. Wouldn't be much of one if it was all sunshine and rainbows now, would it?

Downstairs offices are, well, disgusting. There's even a dung pit. Don't ask how there's a dung pit when none of us actually shit, it's just there. Leaky pipes full of mystery fluids. Endless slogs of paperwork. Crowded halls full of malformed entities. Body odor which, again, is a puzzle given we don't actually need bodies. And everyone is miserable and unpleasant.

It's a mess but not in any of the fun ways.

Yes, that does seem to be the case, does it not? The multiverse and its endless possibilities are also endlessly fascinating. I have to wonder just how many versions of me there are out there. Or of anyone really. Perhaps a billion, perhaps none. Fascinating.

I fell once though I let myself go, expecting to wake up in Hel as opposed to being officially cast out. I do suspect it would have come to that on its own if I had not though. Still, I see how that can be considered a punishment. Though from what you are describing the destination was much worse than the journey.

I can see why you chose Midgard over all of that.

That'd be the thing about infinity; endless possibilities.

Let go all on your own? Sometimes you just have to cut your losses and run. You're your own deity now, don't have to answer to anyone. Liberating, isn't it?

[Lonely too, but it's well worth it.]

I think you underestimate just how interesting Midgard and how innovative the humans are. The art and music alone are worth taking a few centuries to soak in.

Edited 2023-09-12 19:36 (UTC)

It is kind of wonderful though, isn’t it? Absolutely anything can happen at any time. True chaos in its finest form.

You would think, but no. Or rather, not at first. I’m afraid I was injured and captured by some truly unsavoury types that made the next few years of my life rather awful. It took me a very long time to come back from that.

[Or maybe he’s just barely out of that at all. Mostly he just prefers not to dwell on it.]

I admit I have enjoyed some of their art over the years. Namely theatre. That Shakespeare really had some interesting ideas. And another inhabitant here read me some poetry not too long ago. I admit I enjoyed that as well.

[And that is about as close as Loki is going to get to admitting he was wrong about humans… for now at least.]

Came back you did, though. Anyway, aren't you a god? I can see other gods giving you trouble, but some unsavory types? Or are they gods like you?

For awhile, at least.

I am a god, but he is one of the most powerful beings in all the Nine Realms. I would like to say I am as well, but I am not so naïve.

[After all, apparently he can die.]

So more of a capital G kind of god then? Let me guess, he's the sort that's big on the whole righteous smiting thing. How many first borns did he wipe out with a thought? Or is he more into rains of fire or great floods?

Yes, more along those lines. I am unsure how righteous his smiting was, but his goal was to eliminate half of all life in the universe. Apparently it was for the good of everyone?

Isn't that always how it goes.

I dunno how eliminating half the life in the universe would be good for anyone. Species that are already struggling would have no chance, there'd be great big ecological holes, social power vacuums, societies collapsing, all that good stuff.

I take it he didn't really think his plan through?

Indeed that does seem to be the case.

From what I have gathered, he believed it would help as there would be more resources for those left. He had already done this on a smaller scale with individual planets and claimed that those places now were thriving, but I did not bear witness to any of it.

On the contrary, I think he thought it through thoroughly and any negative side effects he merely dismissed. I have heard he was successful, though I was not around for that part. I will have to enquire about the outcome.

But none of the logistics of any of that make sense!

Randomly halving every living thing -- never heard of such a bloody stupid idea in my life.

Look. The problem isn't overpopulation. Overpopulation tends to take care of itself; it's built into the design of things. And Earth isn't even close to maximum capacity yet. The issues are down to resource distribution! If he wants to fix things, he should take it up with the great bloody hoarders who control the flow of resources.

I sorely wish I could see you have this argument with him. I do not pretend to understand his reasoning, I am merely telling you what he’s said. Oh, and it was not just Earth. It was half of all life in the entire Universe. My people were decimated. Asgard had just experienced Ragnarok which had taken much of the population. Then he came looking for me because I had something he wanted and he killed more and then he was successful and I assume we lost half of what was left. That was the part I was no around for though.

I guess the real point here is that logic did not truly play a part in his plans. Thanos wanted what he wanted and nothing was going to stop him. There isn’t any more to it.

If he's a capital "G" God, then it'd probably go the same way it went for me when I started asking Herself some inconvenient questions.

And there you go, just proved my point. Your people were already struggling and there he goes killing half of them! There is no reason for it. The universe is literally infinite - I would know, I had a hand in building it. If you have the power to kill half the people in it at your fingertips, then you have the power to shuffle things around, figure out the socioeconomic and political struggles various worlds are facing, and redistribute resources where needed. Of course it's not such a clean and easy solution as killing fifty percent of life in the universe, but that's life for you. It's messy and complicated and requires messy and complicated solutions.

But like you said, it's not about logic. Just his ego. Got to be the big scary wrathful God, keep the mortals in line, etc. etc.

I hesitate to call him a God. I do not wish to give him so much credit. However, if we are just discussing power level, I have to to say that seems likely.

I am not disagreeing with you. I might have been a so called villain once, but I was actually involved in trying to stop him in this plan. Alas, it would seem we failed, though I did hear something about it being corrected. Admittedly, I am still a little confused on that front. When I was pulled to this place, that had not yet happened.

Definitely ego. That is very much accurate. Though I doubt he much cared about keeping anyone in line. Once he took everyone out, he no longer seemed to care what anyone did.

Video | UN: Ouroborosed -- Subject: AMA

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