Video | UN: Ouroborosed -- Subject: AMA

[inlovewithmycar]

[Crowley flips on the camera before sitting back in an office chair in his usual slouch. Behind him is the backdrop of one of the labyrinthine office buildings, the shades of beige and grey a sharp contrast to his black clothes and red hair. There is a peculiar tension about him, something about the way he's square his shoulders, and the considerable supply of unopened bottles next to him suggests there is some need for the liquid courage.]

Right then. The mall here, yeah? Only marginally worse than the normal kind. And hey, at least we'll never have to deal with the Boxing Day rush, eh?

...That'd be analogous to Black Friday for all you Americans. I don't know if there's a Canadian equivalent. Never stuck around long enough to find out. Saw a moose once and decided that place could just be someone else's problem.

[He shuffles uncomfortably.]

Okay. Yeah. Enough small talk. Time to rip the bandaid off.

[Deep breaths, Crowley.]

So the thing I was worried about happening? ...Happened. For the exact reason and in the exact way I thought it would happen. I'm sure I'll look back and laugh about it one day, but right now I'd like to get ahead of it happening again. No more fun little surprise exorcisms. At least none that I won't see coming.

So, here we go. Let's get this over with.

I'm a literal demon from literal Hell - yes that one - and their former operative of Earth, presently retired.

Ask me anything.

[He's already popping the top off the tequila. He's going to need it.]

Comments

[mollymocks]

no mobs thankfully though people arent always fans.
too bad for them really, im a delight

[inlovewithmycar]

So just bog standard ignorance and prejudice? Glad to see that so little changes across the universes.

That's the spirit though. You handle it with real panache.

[mollymocks]

people will be people. all the races have their own labels and such. honestly i think the orcs get it worst
thats me, full of panache. why bother with what other people think of you?

[inlovewithmycar]

Why bother indeed? Especially when it's about something you can't really help.

Wait up though - orcs ring a bell.

[He remembers it's the first time in ages where Aziraphale wanted to go to the movies and see something that wasn't just made after the late sixties, but something outright contemporary. Crowley also remembers only catching snippets of the films between catnaps. Great noble proclamations, pretty speeches, the inherently good vs the inherently evil, and all so tiresomely Catholic.]

Orcs were the ones in that film series, right? Ring of Lords or something? With the glowy pointy eared buggers and those kids with hairy feet? If I recall correctly, they were the ones who spoke with exaggerated cockney accents to show how ontologically evil they were. Because if that's the case, they're getting it bad even in a world where they don't actually exist.

Wait, do you even have films in your world?

[mollymocks]

no idea what any of that means so ill guess no
pointy ears doesnt much narrow things down either

[inlovewithmycar]

Okay, no films. Right. Is photography a thing yet for your world or are you still relying on paintings? Any printing presses perchance?

Pointy ears and glowy. Tall too. All of them blond and blue-eyed. Looked like Francis bloody Galton's dream come true. That was about the point I checked out and took a nap.

[mollymocks]

sorry dear, glowing isnt bringing much to mind. aside from wizards i suppose
i dont really understand half the things you say. impressive, i think.

[inlovewithmycar]

Sorry, just trying to get a frame of reference for what your world is like. Must be pretty different, since even the stranger ones here tend to have some overlap.

What were pretty common, day-to-day things for you?

[mollymocks]

cant say much is common when youre traveling all the time.
will say that this might be the most human majority place i think ive ever seen

[inlovewithmycar]

You're from a place where there's lots of different kinds of people and not just humans then?

That's brilliant, that is. Earth could use variety like that.

[mollymocks]

oh many. i wont say they dont all clump together, your elf cities or halfling communities or what have you
but most places you see a pretty good mix
only humans for you then? and devils i suppose

[inlovewithmycar]

Elves! Those are the glowy ones with pointy ears.

And it's not just humans. Just that other things are comparative oddities.