Video | UN: Ouroborosed -- Subject: AMA

[inlovewithmycar]

[Crowley flips on the camera before sitting back in an office chair in his usual slouch. Behind him is the backdrop of one of the labyrinthine office buildings, the shades of beige and grey a sharp contrast to his black clothes and red hair. There is a peculiar tension about him, something about the way he's square his shoulders, and the considerable supply of unopened bottles next to him suggests there is some need for the liquid courage.]

Right then. The mall here, yeah? Only marginally worse than the normal kind. And hey, at least we'll never have to deal with the Boxing Day rush, eh?

...That'd be analogous to Black Friday for all you Americans. I don't know if there's a Canadian equivalent. Never stuck around long enough to find out. Saw a moose once and decided that place could just be someone else's problem.

[He shuffles uncomfortably.]

Okay. Yeah. Enough small talk. Time to rip the bandaid off.

[Deep breaths, Crowley.]

So the thing I was worried about happening? ...Happened. For the exact reason and in the exact way I thought it would happen. I'm sure I'll look back and laugh about it one day, but right now I'd like to get ahead of it happening again. No more fun little surprise exorcisms. At least none that I won't see coming.

So, here we go. Let's get this over with.

I'm a literal demon from literal Hell - yes that one - and their former operative of Earth, presently retired.

Ask me anything.

[He's already popping the top off the tequila. He's going to need it.]

Comments

[inlovewithmycar]

[Crowley loves arguing! He is the most contrarian creature on the planet and would argue with a brick wall just for the fun of it.]

Rude. Could recite the complete works of Mary Shelley backwards when I'm blackout drunk if I wanted.

[That's not perfectly coherent, Crowley, that's just being weird.]

"Normal" is a matter of perspective isn't it? I mean, anything can seem normal once you get used to it.

[miyagimagic]

[ Darn, Crowley, he sure is starting to realise that about you now. That's not even a drunk bug either, it's just a feature, apparently! ]

Fine, fine. [ Though Daniel can at least recognize that he is making his own point of view the default by putting it that way, so.. ] Let's say then that where I come from, things are a whole lot less supernatural. In my life, anyway.

[ Hence why everything about Crowley is so.. odd to him.

Though-- ]

I did assume demons acted a whole lot less human than you do though, if the movies were anything to go by.

[inlovewithmycar]

[Crowley makes an audible groan.]

Ugh. Which movies? The Exorcist? Amityville? That series about those frauds from Connecticut who think every creak in an old place is Satan himself crawling out the pit to - I don't know, use the loo? If you want to know what Hell and demons are like, hit up your local DMV on Halloween.

Most people go their whole lives without ever bumping into an angel or demon. And if they did, they wouldn't really know. Under normal circumstances, attention tends to slide off us like a wossname. Not really meant to interfere unless one side or another is gunning for one soul in particular.

[miyagimagic]

So you guys do try to get souls.

[ Just. You know. Making that one clear.

Especially since Crowley did say this is an ask me anything session. This feels like a pretty important thing to ask. Though Crowley did say he's retired, so maybe he doesn't care anymore? ]

I'm pretty sure that's also a feature in those movies, you know. [ ... ] Probably, anyway. It's been a while since I've seen any.

[inlovewithmycar]

Oh sure. In general, I mean. Without sufficient motivation, most angels and demons couldn't actually care less. Your lives are points on the great cosmic score card to what amounts to a prolonged family feud.

[miyagimagic]

Thanks.

[ A little dryly.

Though it fades from Daniel's voice when he moves on to ask: ]

Do you feel that way about humans too?

[inlovewithmycar]

No, I don't.

Always been a bit of a rebel in that regard.

[miyagimagic]

Well, I guess it's at least good to know that there isn't some sort of prolonged family feud being carried out here on top of everything.

I'd say we already have enough to deal with.

[inlovewithmycar]

Well, not the prolonged family feud I was in at least. No idea what's going on with who or what ever brought us here. Could be someone's idea of a wager.

...On second thought, let's not think about that. I was there for the whole Job incident. Not pretty. Not pretty at all.

[miyagimagic]

[ ...

Yes, that pause is because Daniel's mind had to try and process that idea, okay. ]

You think this might be some sort of big angels-and-demons game? [ Not sure how hard he wants to think on that one, frankly. ]

[inlovewithmycar]

Not angels and demons. They wouldn't have the creativity for this.

Sss'more likely some kind of experiment though. Whether there's a wager attached to the outcome or not is anyone's guess, but I wouldn't be surprised.

[miyagimagic]

Yeah, I've heard that angle before. It doesn't seem impossible.

[ Which feels ridiculous to say, but.. you know, it's the kind of ridiculous he's had to learn how to accept by now. Especially since any other explanation for this place is even stranger. ]

You're really sure it wasn't done by angels or demons though? I mean, I'd be willing to believe you. You're the expert.