@junpei | text

[coolerjunpei]

[Now, Junpei is fairly certain they're all here for some kind of fucked up death game, because why wouldn't the third time be the charm!!— but until some mysterious costumed weirdo starts getting on all the screens and making announcements, there's not that much to go on. He can skulk around town glowering suspiciously at things for long so long.

Sooooo.]

if anybody wants my vote, it's t minus however the hell long before we all start killing each other. would love to be wrong, but if i live long enough to say i told you so, yknow. yippee.

so.

why do *you* think we're here? wrong answers only. top 3 by popular vote get a prize.

[Does he have a prize to hand out... No, no he does not. He will find some cheap garbage in one of the shops and write a 1ST/2ND/3RD PLACE on it, no problem. Eventually. Maybe even a sticker.]

and what do you guys think about picking code names? you know, just in case.

[big talk from username junpei]

Comments

[gradenine]

not my fault you decided to put your actual name in
i don't even have online access where im from but even that's obvious
never let anyone know who you are, etc etc

i mean that's true and valid but
there's nothing like eating the food you make, right?
you get to decide what to put in it

[coolerjunpei]

i thought the questions were only for, you know, that part. how was i supposed to know they were forever? they weren't exactly normal...

and fine, i'll learn to make pancakes. it's going in your eulogy, too.

[gradenine]

can't believe id be known as that guy who enabled you to learn how to make pancakes
but i guess that isn't a bad way to go
holding a eulogy, that is
don't get to have that sort of kindness everyday

the questions were pretty weird, you're right
did we get the same questions?

[coolerjunpei]

do you need eulogies that often?
but uh jokes aside [is it a joke.] sorry...? i thought i had it rough, but people are nice to me sometimes.

what's the weirdest question you got? mine was about killing farm animals.

[gradenine]

nah it's just that plenty of people die in my line of work everydau
and since we can't really afford to pause and honor the dead, they just... stay dead
no time to be exceedingly nice to anyone either, so talking to you is like a breath of fresh air

[ junpei'd better be serious about that eulogy bc roland would be very sad if it's just a joke :( ]

didn't get that question
mine was something like
"describe your mother in one positive word"
or
"this guy owed you money but you saw him with expensive shit the next morning, how do you react"
in other words, pretty inconsequential

[coolerjunpei]

[He wasn't honestly serious until right the hell now, holy shit. It's going to be a full speech, but also maybe don't die in this place...??]

huh
well
you're welcome. i know the feeling, but i've only been at the world's shittiest job for a year, so...

[cough.... well!!]

how come you got mom questions and i got killing animal questions? this is the worst buzzfeed quiz in any history.

[gradenine]

[ if it happens, it happens?? junpei was the one who brought up the killing game theory in the first place... ]

what kind of work was it anyway?
can't be anything worse than being a fixer

also you probably pissed off some animal rights activist or something
but i don't think that matters
pretty sure we got those questions randomly and how we answer doesn't matter
but it isn't like me to be optimistic about that either

[coolerjunpei]

wait, what? there are more of you? do you know how numbers work, at least?

[Commander Capslock down there definitely doesn't, tell him some of you know how to do math!!]

i quit school and joined a private detective agency. don't recommend it, unless you're into seeing human trafficking rings try to burn down their operations before they get caught, like, twice a week? i should've stayed in school.

what's a fixer do, anyway? the other one only said JUSTICE.

if the questions are bullshit, i should get to change my username to something cooler.

[gradenine]

[ scrolls down a little, and... oh. that sure is don quixote. well, that's not roland's problem. it's junpei's now. ]

pretty sure she's seeing numbers like they're fixer grades?
like how being #1 in contests is the most important thing

but yeah, i guess there's plenty of fixers here, but i don't really know her
like how you're a detective but you're not obligated to know all the detectives in the world, right?
it's like that
anyway fixers are mercenaries that do all sorts of work for their client for a fee
they're commonplace in the City
(my city, not this city)
and they're graded from 1 to 9, with 1 being the highest rank
being a detective isn't easy when you put it that way, but i've seen way worse in my field, trust me

anyway, have you tried changing your username? ill pretend i don't know your actual name if you want

[coolerjunpei]

[junpei is disappearing into a bog to never be found thanks to his stellar performance there, rest assured. problem: handled.]

that's a pretty fundamentally partial understanding of how numbers work, in her case. i stand by it.

you know who she is, though? i haven't seen a familiar face at all. it's probably for the best.

besides that, you win, i couldn't be a merc. you get the no. 1 award for worst job, which means it's the highest and lowest at the same time. it's quantum shit.

and everyone's seen it, so it's too late now... forget it. uh, the username problem. you don't have to forget my name.

[gradenine]

[ you tried, king... ]

i did meet her here, but not back home
but it really is for the best
she's uhh
she talks like that in real life too

oh wow, what an honor to have the suckiest job alive
do i win something?
i guess i could give you my name
call me roland

[coolerjunpei]

no kidding? i'll look around for earplugs. she doesn't seem all that bad, though.

["not the weirdest person i've ever met" - junpei testimonials]

roland huh. you're not all that bad either, roland.
but now i have to ask what keter is.
and yeah, i'll get you a medal. but she wants the 1st place so you'll have to settle for 2nd.

[gradenine]

it's just a username i thought up from out of the blue, nothing special
i guess it's to match with my other coworker here
not to be confused with don down there btw

i don't care much for ranks so i'll live with being 2nd place
but uhh
thanks, man

[coolerjunpei]

wow, you guys are all over, huh.

anyway, uh, don't mention it. my arts and crafts skills might make you reconsider.