@junpei | text

[coolerjunpei]

[Now, Junpei is fairly certain they're all here for some kind of fucked up death game, because why wouldn't the third time be the charm!!— but until some mysterious costumed weirdo starts getting on all the screens and making announcements, there's not that much to go on. He can skulk around town glowering suspiciously at things for long so long.

Sooooo.]

if anybody wants my vote, it's t minus however the hell long before we all start killing each other. would love to be wrong, but if i live long enough to say i told you so, yknow. yippee.

so.

why do *you* think we're here? wrong answers only. top 3 by popular vote get a prize.

[Does he have a prize to hand out... No, no he does not. He will find some cheap garbage in one of the shops and write a 1ST/2ND/3RD PLACE on it, no problem. Eventually. Maybe even a sticker.]

and what do you guys think about picking code names? you know, just in case.

[big talk from username junpei]

Comments

[coolerjunpei]

[wowza]

are you a fixer? don't start doing justice to anybody yet.

don't start populating with anybody yet either..... that's the wildest wrong answer yet.

[He... hopes?? What if it's not the wrong answer, he didn't even consider--]

i'm rating that one a 6 out of 9.

[icanfixer]

[ haha nice ]

VERILY, THAT I AM!!!!

ALSO!!!!

THOU SHALT GIVE ME A 1, FOR THAT IS THE HIGHEST UPON NUMBERS, AND THUS THE BEST WITHIN A LIST!!!!!!! IF NONE HATH CLAIMED 1, THEN I SHALL!!!!!

[coolerjunpei]

wait, what about all the times 1 is the lowest number? unless you're just talking about, like....

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

that "highest."

[icanfixer]

1 SHOULD NEVER BE THE LOWEST NUMBER, IT IS AMONG ALL THE TOP OF THE TOP!!!!!!!!

[ ...

so yeah, like that ]

[coolerjunpei]

do you

["know how numbers work," but you know what, nah. he can be Kind.]

you know what, sure, you get the 1. you want a medal? it might just be cardboard if i can't find anything round and shiny.

[icanfixer]

[ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

she decides how numbers work, and that's on the grade scale. grade 1 fixers are the best therefore 1 is the best number. she learns in a future canon point that isn't always the case. ]

FRET NOT FOR I SHALL ENDEAVOR TO SHINE IT MYSELF IF THOU ART UNABLE TO FIND ONE THAT DOES!!!!!!!! I AM QUITE HANDY AT CRAFTS, AND I DO FAVOR THINGS THAT SPARKLE SO!!!!!!

[ her phone's gonna be coated in stickers at some point. when she finds them. also paint, probably. ]

I HATH A QUESTION FOR THEE AS WELL. WHY OUT OF 9?

[coolerjunpei]

why am i already not surprised. i found a holographic trading card in the convenience store, i bet i can get you another.

[Because he can't just part with his own super rare (he decided) shiny trading card (for some shit he's never heard of), heaven forbid. Quest for another shiny begins.]

and uh, really? after you brought up "populating the land"...?

[icanfixer]

THOU HATH MINE MOST GRACIOUS THANKS, STRANGER!!!!

[ what a kind stranger. willing to deface a sparkling card for her. ]

WE ARE CITIZENS NOW, ARE WE NOT? THUS, WE POPULATE THE LAND!!!!!!!!

[coolerjunpei]

[welp, time to bury himself at sea! good work everyone!]

oh
you meant like we live here now. right.

it was a joke, but never mind. completely never mind.

[icanfixer]

[ she'll send him off on a boat if he asks her to ]

NAY, PRITHEE TELL ME WHAT THOU MEANT

[coolerjunpei]

[lost at sea as penance for dumb horny jokes]

seriously...?

like, make more population. putting the whole re- in repopulate, which isn't even what you said. that's what the joke was about.

[icanfixer]

OHO. I SEE!!!!!!!! THOU ARE QUITE THE JESTER, SER JUNPEI!!!!!!!!

WHILE I DID NOT LAUGH MYSELF, VERILY SOMEONE DID!!!!!!!!!

[ she's comforting him. ]

[coolerjunpei]

[is this worse? it feels worse. burial at sea is still on.]

thanks...

soooo what else does a fixer do, for no reason whatsoever? and what's your name, anyway? is it actually don quixote?

[icanfixer]

[ the fact she's completely earnest about her sentiments is really the nail in his water logged coffin. ]

'TIS! I AM DON QUIXOTE, A FIXER EMPLOYED BY THE LIMBUS COMPANY! FIXERS ARE THOSE WHOM FEEL THE BURN OF JUSTICE WITHIN THEIR SOULS, AND SEEK TO DISPATCH THOSE WHO WOULD BULLY THE WEAK, WHO WOULD ENACT UNDUE VIOLENCE, WHO WOULD THINK TO LITTER THE VERY GROUND ON WHICH THEY WALKED!!!!!! THERE ARE NONE TOO LOW NOR LORDLY WHO WOULD NOT PROTECT THOSE OF WHOM THEY CAN!!!!!!!

THAT IS A FIXER!!!!!!! THEY ARE JUSTICE!!!!!!! THEY ARE WHAT IS GOOD AND RIGHT!!!!!!! ANY WHO FEEL THE CALL ARE HEROES!!!!!!!

[coolerjunpei]

so what do you actually... do? being a hero of justice is pretty good, i guess, but do you rescue kids or what? fight fires? just beat up bad guys?

1/2

[icanfixer]

YES

[ ... ]

[icanfixer]

SOME NESTS HAVE THEIR OWN TERMS OF SECURITY, BUT IT IS A FIXER WHOM IS DISPATCHED FOR EMERGENCIES THAT GO BEYOND THOSE WHICH CAN BE HANDLED BY NORMAL MEANS!!!! THEY ARE HIGHLY RESPECTED, AND HATH MANY A WARE DEPICTING THEIR GREATNESS!!!!! AND INFACT, THOU ARE SPEAKING TO ONE WHOM HAS MEMORIZED EVERY FACE OF FIXERS GRADED THREE AND UP, AND THE COLORS OF COURSE!!!!

DEPENDING ON THE THREAT, DIFFERENT GRADES ARE CALLED. HOWEVER, ANY FIXER WOULD DROP WHATEVER IT IS THEY WERE DOING SHOULD THEY HEAR THE CRY OF THE WEAK!!!!

[coolerjunpei]

wares... you've got your face on merch?

[is this a miserable merc job or a super fun justice club, he's getting mixed messages from these fixers... the wares, though. the wares.]

are you going to keep doing that stuff here? even without the merch and the ratings?

-> video

[icanfixer]

NAY NOT YET!!!!!!!!! BUT I HOPE TO ONE DAY!!!!!!!

[ ... hold on she's-- okay she's-- yes hold on. okay. okay. okay!!!!!! she's got it.

sorry junpei is now Experiencing don. she's uh. her outfit in gen looks Worn, like maybe she never takes it off if she doesn't have to, that coat of hers very much old and big on her, and it's just pinned to death with different emblems and the like. she's also quite loud. ]

Naturally! A Fixer's duty is to justice, not to money! Even if there were no gain in it, even if it were simply a role needing to be filled, I would become one! It is nice to be know, verily so, but 'tis more important to be good than anything else! Ehm, it would be nice to be picked as a Color however, as that is proof of thy strength and deeds!

[coolerjunpei]

[Ah, okay, even on video there sure is a lot of, uh, presence? to her. Junpei is torn between his cynical kneejerk reaction- how cringe, heroes of justice can't keep it going for that long, nobody does anything for free- and a part of him that is... kind of endeared? If only because her little speech is like a major key reprise of all the "firefighters go out there and save lives for the good of goodness!" speeches he's heard recently.

So maybe she's cringe but free or whatever... jeez.]

oh are we doing it zoom style now, okay.

[Give him a second to also click on the video. He is a Guy In A T-Shirt, super unremarkable.]

Uh, hi.

...I'd watch your back, if I were you. If somebody out there's going to start picking us off, the people with real experience at stopping the bad guys are the most obvious targets, right?

[icanfixer]

[ omg. hes just a guy in a t-shirt. wow. a normal citizen to protect. ]

I shall simply not die, then. But I hath a dear friend and ally with whom I can entrust mine back to, should I need it, and he knows he can do the same with me without a moment's doubt -- I thank thee for thy concern, citizen.

[ "i'll simply not die" i'm going to get her killed as soon as i can ]

[coolerjunpei]

[That's him, just some dude (tm). Anyway, this has real "go ahead and shoot me, I won't die" energy, oh boy.]

...Yeah. Well, good luck with that. I'll say something cool about justice for you if somebody gets you in a freak accident.

[icanfixer]

Then it is a promise! If justice doth burns in thy breast as it does mine own, however, wouldst thou consider becoming a Fixer as well?! I will teach thee, though thy status will be unofficial until the Hana Association doth approve.

[ they have like, a whole written exam for it or something. take a test get to be first in the meat grinders. ]

[coolerjunpei]

Wait, what? Like, join your hero club? I, uh... I don't think that's for me. I'd probably get my ass kicked on day one and have to quit.

[Just look at his t-shirt. He surely cannot hack it as a Justice Guy.]

[icanfixer]

Fret not! There are plenty of men both more frail and underdeveloped within our ranks, and they hath little issue with standing once struck down!

[ worry not pal you're fine. ]

But if thou hath worry still, then I suppose I shall look for some of K. Corp's HP modules... They seem to be quite handy, though me and mine hath no use for it thanks to our Manager Esquire.