{ video } ; un: elfuegobandito

[bitchndiagnosis]

[ The video feed opens on a medium shot inside of an apartment. Straight down the barrel of the lens shows the middle of the living room. There is a brown suede couch that sits at the back of the wall. A mahogany coffee that stands right in front of it. On top of said coffee table is a paper cup with a plastic top lid.

There is silence for about two beats before someone’s voice speaks out from behind the camera. ]

Has anyone seen The Matrix?

[ An audible thump of a rubber stump, hitting against wooden flooring before it reveals a walking cane, then the source of the voice. Dr. House enters the shot, gripping the head of the cane in one hand, and a scrap of paper in the other. ]

“Denial is the most predictable of all human responses!” Or something like that. I was in it more for the guns and tight leather!

[ He wiggles his brows, settling himself on the couch. His cane leans against the arm of the seat. ]

And here I was hoping my delusions would’ve at least upgraded my television to HD. Too much fuzz around Keanu Reeve’s bee-hind.

[ Ah, well. C’est la vie. You might ask yourself, “Who is this man?” or “What’s his deal?” Well, let’s get on to brass tax — ]

Which brings me to my next question: How does a medical doctor find themself in an unnamed city with no hospital in sight? [ A beat. Brows raised. ] Now I really know my psyche is messing with me. Wished for my clinic hours to go away, but they’ve taken all the fun stuff away? That doesn’t sound like me at all.

[ He shakes his head while donning the fakest wry smile. ]

Ah, well. Really hope no one gets seriously injured. That’d be a darn shame.

[ With that, he grabs the head of his cane and jabs the device. The feed doesn’t go off. Rather, the device falls back with the camera lens facing the ceiling. ]

Oh, you’re going in the dumpster first thing in the morning.

Comments

OMFG LOVE HOUSE (I played Wilson for YEARS)

[abit_ofboth]

[When the video comes through on Loki’s device, it catches him at just the right time because he actually decides to watch it. It’s really hit or miss if he can be bothered, unless it’s meant for him specifically. But this time, he’s glad he bothered to tune in.

The older gentleman on the video looks a little unkempt, but it doesn’t distract from the intelligence Loki can see in his eyes. He chuckles, amused by the man’s semi-annoyed antics.

Loki flicks on his own video to reply. He puts on his best stern look before sending out the video.]

You know those things cost a lot of money. Don’t be surprised if they come after you for a replacement.

he's a real funky fella ( also wilson my boiii ;a; you get the vibes !! )

[bitchndiagnosis]

[ On the other end of the video is about as haphazard as you might expect for House. He’s already made himself comfortable on said couch as he rests against the arm of the seat with a pillow to support his back. The low-angle shot on House’s end is much to be desired. Any whippersnapper worth their salt can clock this as the infamous Boomer Angle.

…All while mindlessly channel surfing. ]

Sounds like a real pickle! I left all my money back in Dimension Alpha Domino Three. Guess they’re going to have to take an IOU. Bill it to one Captain Picard.

Damn right! Wilson lived rent free in my head for a LONG time.

[abit_ofboth]

[Loki watches the whole thing as if it were a spectacle. Truly this man should be in theatre or in film. Right down to the out of focus camera. It is possible, Loki assumes, that he truly doesn’t know how to operate the camera properly, but he suspects it’s more about not caring.

His message started out as audio, but Loki finds himself turning on the camera. Sometimes he finds these things work better when the other person at least has the chance to see his visual responses.]

Tell me, do you always speak in bullshit, or has the truth passed your lips every now and then?

[Even if it hadn’t been obvious that he was speaking nonsense, Loki suspects this man says whatever comes to mind first. It’s a trait Loki very much appreciates.]

audio; un: loveless

[limbical]

On a scale from 1 - 10, how likely are you to help out in a clinic if I urgently need it?

Not gonna comment on that Matrix stuff. People have mentioned that film and it doesn't exist where I'm from.

audio;

[bitchndiagnosis]

[ Not exactly the message he wants to hear after finding himself in the Twilight Zone. But he’s not going to straight up refuse. His leg infarction, however, will have to dictate the terms of 'urgency'. ]

That depends. Do I get a cool bat signal and convertible?

[limbical]

Can't help you with the car, but I can point a flashlight to the sky if you want it so bad.

Look, I ask because I don't have a lot of help at the clinic as it is. If it's out of your way, well... I won't insist. [He definitely learned his lesson last time he did insist on someone else, and too many people paid for it.]

voice. @kaveh

[fussiest]

Well, the same way that an architect finds himself in a city with nothing to build, or a linguist specialising in ancient languages finds himself in a city where everything's automatically translated to his own, I suppose.

[ the man has a cane, kaveh thinks - it was a good thing that he went back and put in ramps for both the welcome diner and the host club, though now he wonders if they ought to retrofit it for the apartments as well. it's something to think about.

there's a wan smile curled in his tone. ]

What exactly is the Matrix? What manner of point are you trying to make with that comparison?

audio;

[bitchndiagnosis]

[ The former remark from Kaveh gets a nonverbal reaction out of House. It’s one of those looks one might get when they realize “Yeah. What the hell is that all about?” ]

Ah—bwah?! [ The audacity! ] Are we from the same planet?! What the hell are they showing you over on Planet Nerd?

[ This is all, obviously, theatrics. Rather than dwelling on the whole subject of reality vs simulation/hallucination/dreamlike-state muddling his thoughts, he elects to bully a bunch of strangers on the network. ]

[fussiest]

[ kaveh, who's absolutely sporting the expression of someone being mildly bullied, nearly splutters - ]

Um. Wait! While we are essentially a nation of nerds, yes, it's hardly our entire world! Or planet! It's just - well, no, what I should be saying is: no, we're not of the same planet, so even while you're hardly wrong about calling us nerds, that's still rather uncalled for!

Do you always go around calling strangers terribly cutting but potentially accurate things?!

text | un: ouroborosed

[inlovewithmycar]

Be careful what you wish for here. Knowing this place, an actual hospital appearing might be more trouble than it's worth.

text;

[bitchndiagnosis]

Death by healthcare. Yeah. Can't get any more unsexy than that.

[inlovewithmycar]

See you're getting it. Anyone tell you about the mall because that'll paint a clearer picture of what to, potentially, expect.

Anyway, if someone dies here, they just come back to life, so better healthcare than what you'd get in most places, unless your name happens to be Lazarus.

Dunno what happens with anything that doesn't fall under the 'lethal' category though, so it looks like you might have your work cut out for you, doc.

audio ; un: Kromer

[gripper]

( another doctor! how nice. )

You've got my sympathy. For what it's worth, I'm not a huge fan of this little thing either. Sure, it's useful, but... ( a short laugh. ) Anyway, welcome to the City. The name's Kromer. If you got any questions, I'm sure I've got plenty of answers—I'm one of the people who've been around the longest.

( unfortunately. and she has experienced basically every awful surprise the city has to offer as of this past week. )

I'll say serious injuries happen around here more often than you think, though, so you might wanna find a pharmacy or something and do a little stocking up. We're not killing each other every day, but you know, some people just don't value their lives in a world where if you die, you'll just come back the next day only a little worse for wear.

audio;

[bitchndiagnosis]

[ Now there’s something that catches his attention. He didn’t get the memo about being resuscitated. You’re saying that can get all Evel Knievel through 69 rings of fire, turn to ashes, and rise from the dead with just a headache? What the hell is in the water? ]

Don’t worry. Mommy taught me I should always bring extra band-aids in case someone goes on a bender.

[ A beat. ]

Scratches and broken bones can be patched up. But coming back from the dead? Now that’s a spicy meatball.

[gripper]

I've done it twice now... Thrice if you wanna get real technical about my current state back in my world! But twice from here. The price to come back's pretty hefty—my guess it's probably trauma of coming back—you'll end up forgetting something, and you won't remember who killed you or what happened, either.

"So then, Kromer, how do you know you died?" Excellent question. ( A beat. ) Because I found out who killed me, and dying the second time matched how I felt after the first, so I just figured, hey! It happened again. Whoopie.

video, un: caster

[excaliburden]

[Looks at her newly semi-fixed up broken hand and ribs... hm,,,,



Yeah.]

I think people get hurt here a lot, so, um... you'll probably be pretty busy!

[bitchndiagnosis]

Aw! But my favorite generic soap opera is on!

[ He’s got no clue what he’s watching. Nevertheless, he’s going to jeer. ]

Yeah, Shinji! Get in the robot.

video | username: fearnie

[fauned]

( hello, yes, y'all ain't asking the real questions here. she will fix this. not to worry. )

Go back to the guns and tight leather thing. How much of that is in the movie?

[bitchndiagnosis]

Finally! Someone who gets it!

[ Too loud? ]

Just not enough love for those kickass special effects. You should really see Carrie-Anne Moss kicking dudes in those impressive thigh-high boots.

video; un: thevampirelestat

[perfectdevil]

[ Lestat switches on his camera and reveals himself in all his 80s rockstar finest, complete with too much leather and too much nipple on show. He grins at the camera without bothering to do so in a way that hides his fangs. ]

Whoever said that has a point; denial is much easier than acceptance, and humans love anything that’s easy.

[ If there’s an innuendo in there, he either doesn’t notice it or is being very coy about it, as he tosses his hair over a shoulder in a way that’s more dramatic than it is casual. ]

Though in a place like this, the longer you hold on to denial, the more you’re risking a nasty surprise later down the line.

[bitchndiagnosis]

[ The opulent rockstar get-up doesn’t make House bat an eye. Maybe it’s because he’s had his fair share of weirdos in the clinic who are neck-deep in their emo-vampire phase. Black eyeliner, septum rings, velvet capes…the works.

…Well, okay. He takes one glance. The leather-to-nipple ratio is a real sight to behold. ]

Wow. That’s like wicked deep, dude.

[ He knows Lestat is agreeing with him. It’s just second nature for House to, ironically, deny and push back. Since the incident at the diner, he learned that lesson the hard way. Everything about this city is irrational and yet he is still recovering from the nausea and small bits of frostbite on his hands. ]

Sorry — Are we talking about my denial or your denial for shirts? I’m having trouble keeping tabs.

video; un: mr. chandler (lmao the username is perfect)

[lupusintus]

[ snarky doctor, meet charming cowboy. he even has the southern drawl and outfit to boot—but continue, he was sold on the movie the second House brought up guns. ]

Can’t say I’ve had the pleasure, I’m guessing it’s a movie? They’re ahead of my time but I enjoy a good gunfight as much as the next man.

Careful what you wish for, Doc, this place is liable to make your clinic hours seem like a fond dream. I’m sure Daan will be relieved to hear there’s another doctor here, he’s had his hands full lately.

[ after the phone falls over: ] Unless you’re otherwise engaged.

[bitchndiagnosis]

[ And here House thought he can get the week to himself. So much for that plan. ]

Yeah. Sorry. Going to have to put a rain check on the whole Hippocratic oath thing. Too much on my plate. Me and Marvin the Martian are playing put-put at the ghoulish looking mall. That fella loves him an adventure.

text; un: Constantine

[keepgodwaiting]

Out of curiosity, which bit are you in denial about?

[ Management regrets that they can neither confirm nor deny whether The Matrix exists in Johanna's home universe because GOD do they want to let her riff on it with him. So she'll just have to focus on practicalities or something. ]

[bitchndiagnosis]

Let's see ... If this were any other Tuesday, I'd probably be in denial about the twenty bucks I picked out of my best friend's pocket.

But this isn't New Jersey. At least it doesn't SMELL like New Jersey. I'm in cahoots with a group of scrappy upstarts in a city that is, allegedly, a simulation.

Does that paint a picture? Or do I need to whip out Microsoft ClipArt?