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5:14 PM
Good afternoon. It's my understanding that certain efforts are being made around the City with the goal of streamlining and enhancing the "arrival and acclimation" process of welcoming newcomers here. While in full disclosure I'm not directly affiliated with any of these efforts, I have been...retained, I suppose, to assist an interested party with a particular aspect of them.
The aim of this particular initiative is both to provide targeted informative resources to specifically-situated populations that may be among the new arrivals (e.g. directing trolls to nearby shaded areas to prevent any immediate petrification, informing vampires of alternative options to attacking locals for sustenance), as well as to look for ways that the City can be developed to provide those accommodations where possible. Speaking for myself as a squishy and presumably delectable morsel, I for one would certainly be interested in knowing where the Things That Want To Devour Me tend to congregate, so that I can make an informed decision about how consumable I'm feeling that day. (This is a joke. Ha, ha.)
I'm attaching a brief survey so that citizens can volunteer information as they see fit. Please find below a preliminary Q&A:
Q: I DON'T TRUST YOU SO I'M NOT TELLING YOU ANYTHING ABOUT MYSELF!
A: That's sensible of you. Providing response is entirely voluntary and you're under no compulsion to oblige me. However, I can't document information that I don't have, so I'm casting a wide net and will work off of what I receive.
Q: HOW DO I KNOW THIS INFORMATION WON'T BE USED AGAINST ME AND MINE, HUH?
A: Strictly speaking, you don't. Please feel free to submit your answers anonymously, provide only extremely generalized information, deliver them via letters cut out of newspapers glued to a blank sheet of paper wrapped around a brick and thrown through my window — whatever makes you comfortable that it can't be traced back to you, if that's your concern.
Q: I'M GOING TO SUBMIT FALSE ANSWERS AND TAINT THE DATA POOL BECAUSE I AM A SINISTER NE'ER-DO-WELL, MWA HA HA HA HA!
A: I bill by the hour. My life debt will be canceled just as much from spending those hours reading useless information as from reviewing the pertinent variety.
Q: I DON'T UNDERSTAND A SINGLE THING THAT JUST CAME OUT OF YOUR FIGURATIVE MOUTH.
A: I get that a lot. Sorry.
Please see attached and below. Thanks.
The aim of this particular initiative is both to provide targeted informative resources to specifically-situated populations that may be among the new arrivals (e.g. directing trolls to nearby shaded areas to prevent any immediate petrification, informing vampires of alternative options to attacking locals for sustenance), as well as to look for ways that the City can be developed to provide those accommodations where possible. Speaking for myself as a squishy and presumably delectable morsel, I for one would certainly be interested in knowing where the Things That Want To Devour Me tend to congregate, so that I can make an informed decision about how consumable I'm feeling that day. (This is a joke. Ha, ha.)
I'm attaching a brief survey so that citizens can volunteer information as they see fit. Please find below a preliminary Q&A:
Q: I DON'T TRUST YOU SO I'M NOT TELLING YOU ANYTHING ABOUT MYSELF!
A: That's sensible of you. Providing response is entirely voluntary and you're under no compulsion to oblige me. However, I can't document information that I don't have, so I'm casting a wide net and will work off of what I receive.
Q: HOW DO I KNOW THIS INFORMATION WON'T BE USED AGAINST ME AND MINE, HUH?
A: Strictly speaking, you don't. Please feel free to submit your answers anonymously, provide only extremely generalized information, deliver them via letters cut out of newspapers glued to a blank sheet of paper wrapped around a brick and thrown through my window — whatever makes you comfortable that it can't be traced back to you, if that's your concern.
Q: I'M GOING TO SUBMIT FALSE ANSWERS AND TAINT THE DATA POOL BECAUSE I AM A SINISTER NE'ER-DO-WELL, MWA HA HA HA HA!
A: I bill by the hour. My life debt will be canceled just as much from spending those hours reading useless information as from reviewing the pertinent variety.
Q: I DON'T UNDERSTAND A SINGLE THING THAT JUST CAME OUT OF YOUR FIGURATIVE MOUTH.
A: I get that a lot. Sorry.
Please see attached and below. Thanks.